Am I just supposed to be Seen and Not Heard?

When as the story is told God took a rib from Adam to make Eve did he have in mind that "Eve" would walk around in total silence? Was it intended for her only purpose to be pleasing in all ways to just "Adam'?

As a woman with confidence it is always sad for me to come across over and over again any references to the template that another has set for what "womenhood' is suppose to be, look like or represent. What I'm suppose to be able to say, to wear or to even do with my mind and body.

I am particularly disturbed by the recent comments I came across when it came to Serena Williams as Sports person of the Year. I am not even going to touch on the horse debate I am only going to point out that if the search is for a person, then a horse no matter what it's accomplishments were does not allow for qualification.

illustration by forbes.com

To put it plainly I am sick and tired of 'old white men" or any "white man" for that matter talking about women of color or any women that may not fit their agenda. Somehow it just always goes back to race and acceptability. Then in turn it spills over to other women and our society and the blatant disrespect is a free for all.

I have here two pictures of two equally beautiful women in their own right. Each with their own accomplishments and their own focus and goals. One was and is deemed sexy, beautiful, appealing and not offensive the other manly, aggressive, setting women back and looking like a hooker. Can you guess which one is which?

Sports Illustrated has a specific issue dedicated to women and swimsuits. I am all for it, if you are a confident woman in your own skin and want to show it I am right there with you. What I wear, how my hair looks and the makeup I use shouldn't give anyone the right to label me. But if we are going to be dropping labels wouldn't a women pulling her panties down to just above her Vagina be more of a hooker than the woman sitting down in a chair clearly wearing pantyhose and her legs slightly more closed?

I love sexy tops. I love soft materials against my skin. I enjoy a see through blouse on any given day. I love dressing to fit my body, I have curves and I am not ashamed or afraid to show them. It doesn't give anyone the right to assume I am anything other than a respectable woman. Everything has its time and place yes that is true but again why can't we respect one another? Men want to tell me I need to cover up, why? I have to do something to my appearance to make you comfortable? Get the **** out of here! And if my skin color is not to your liking then I get judged twice as hard as the female next to me? Not to mention the dumb crap that comes out of your mouth directed at women in general?

illustration by eonline.com

And ladies...again why are we so harsh on one another? Isn't it bad enough that some men still want to keep us down period?

If you like to cover up great, if you like to put it all out there then hey and if you take the in between route more power to you but put your mouth to better use and stop adding fuel to the flames that are already burning against us.

These two ladies pictured here work very hard at keeping their bodies looking as they do. Genetics and hard work!!! If you don't have the genetics, like me then we have to put in the hard work! From my perspective and what I have tried to teach my own daughter is that my body is just that...my body. I am here to please myself first. Don't judge yourself on someone else's looks or build for we are all different and have different things to offer.

I am not not here for you to just look at, I have a mind of my own and I will use it. I will not change myself to fit your template but instead I will mold my own template and you can learn to accept that.
I will not tear another woman down to build myself up and I will not teach my daughter that her value comes through any man. I will not laugh or giggle at your degrading comments just because I don't want to stir up any trouble. I am a woman and I will not only be Seen I will also be Heard.

What's your perspective? Do you believe women have a specific role they are suppose to play and fall under? Do you believe women are judged more harshly today than in the past? As a parent what do you think can be done to continue to raise strong, confident, independent beautiful, loving women? Share your comments please.

Always stress free xo
Mari

washingtonpost.com
si.com/swimsuit

I'm a Slave 4 U

illustration by colorfulbigbangfish.com

Hey my loves so I know many of you are very excited about the Fall season creeping up on us but are you aware that it will also be Cuffing season soon? What am I talking about some of you might say? Well it's the time of year some singles dread because they would prefer to be in a more committed relationship or "cuffed" as the younger generation refers to it. They say that in the colder months they want to have someone steady to cuddle up with. I love how I am always learning something new. I love all the types of views on relationships period because you can always take something away from each. 

Which bought me to this other story that made me chuckle a bit the other night. I was cleaning my inbox and one of those celebrity newsletters I get had a story on Ice T and his wife Coco. I know of his rap career but I am most familiar with him as an actor on one of my old favorite shows Law and Order SVU. His wife of over fourteen years is known best for her body parts and modeling. 

So this article was about an interview she did in which she states she is "his slave".

illustration by playbuzz.com

Now ok...the independent women who read this went Hell No! but the women who are confident in who they are and understood from what angle she comes from said oh I get it! What do I mean by this? Well here is my perspective...

If you have a husband or a long term committed partner that loves, respects and cherishes you there is nothing wrong with doing things his way within reason I think. It doesn't mean you aren't strong or capable it just means you decided early on in your relationship to pick your battles and what role fits each of you best. 

If you are an independent woman who solely wishes to run the show and wear the pants than this isn't for you and that is ok too.

I have learned over the years that it is totally fine to relinquish all this control we as women want to have over everything all the time. If you have a great partner who has your back then what's the problem? just let go. Trust me I had a tough time of grasping this concept many years ago but I have totally gotten better and it has been soooooo much fun and stress free! This doesn't mean you drive blindly or clueless btw.

Relationships require two people who know what they bring to the table. Early on you set these wheels in motion, I take care of this you take care of that. Ice T has his role and Coco has hers and she is totally happy, therefore so should we. 

Whatever works for you do it! Now Coco I didn't care for your choice of words but I got you. I understand where you are coming from and I applaud the length of your journey keep going strong!

nydailynews.com

illustration by tumblr.com

What do you think? Is it correct to give up certain control to your partner/husband? Is giving up control the end of women's independence? Do you find the word "submissive" offensive? How do you define a strong women in a relationship? Look forward to your responses.

Always stress free xo.

Mari