Giving Up

These thoughts come just at the right time! Christmas is just a few days away and everyone has lost their minds or so it appears if you are driving or in a store.
Today I almost got sideswiped twice by crazy drivers not looking at where they were going. I saw people with more bags than they could carry and I saw lines out the doors.

Thank heavens I am not in that mindset and thank heavens that I also made it home in one piece!
I handled my grandmother duties, I invested my time making her laugh and happy and I sat to write my thoughts...

Less is more, More is less.
Quality beats Quantity
Minimum effort Maximum results

On my minimalist journey these past several months I've had to reprogram my brain and in doing so I have found such clarity. I notice things and pay closer attention to how advertising works, store placement, magazines, commercials etc...there goal is to make you think you need. Make you feel like you are missing out on something if you don't have this or that.

They play on our weakness for excess. Wanting to be like so and so, competing to have the latest and greatest.

But at what expense?

Our safety net, our bills paid on time, our home repairs, our kids educations, our self esteem, our sanity, our we are good enough mindset?

illustration by blog.drmalpani.com

When I started this challange I took stock of what I had in my closet. Blouses, shirts, sweaters, slacks, jeans, leggings the works.
I realized I had a need for nothing but a want for a few things.
I have enough clothes and accessories to last me well over two months without repeating too much of one item and I decided that would be enough.

No commercial, no magazine, no sale, no extra week in the month was or is going to deter me from my goals from my plans.
I keep telling myself "look at bigger picture" and that is what I am continuing to do.


If you ask me what is One thing I could give up and not care I will answer that as of now it's jeans. What I have is more than enough.
I can mix and match, cuff uncuff, dress up or down.
If you ask me what is One thing I cannot give up I will say at this point is my search for a great mustard yellow or tangerine orange Winter wool coat!
Hey I'm being honest. Wish me luck in finding it while in all other aspects I continue to stick to my guns.

Do you fall trap to the commercials? The magazines?
What have you purchased because you "thought" you had to have it but really didn't "need" it?

Always stress free xo.

Do the Math

I am not one to invest much energy on the negatives of single parenting.

Be it a single mother or single father, each has issues, struggles, obstacles and stress.

I always say more likely than not single parenting was not a conscious choice, it was a hiccup on a road that two people started on.
Today we have more single parent households than there were in the past, certainly more than our grandparents or even our parents.
Many people still show distaste and disrespect to a single parent without even considering a day in the life of a good perhaps even great single parent.

If you are a single person or are married and have a single parent friend, I would like to bring you into their life. I would like to try to paint a picture that can shed some light.

Several friends get together for dinner after work. Among those is a single parent, the gender is irrelevant.

Single friend begins to talk about vacation plans, "Oh I just got my ticket to Miami, can't wait to start packing." Another friend, "Oh yes I have to start looking around, not sure where I want to head to this time around."
Married friend chimes in, "We are taking the kids to Jamaica this summer, staying at the Atlantis Resort."
Single parent then says, "Oh that sounds awesome, we well be doing mini getaways or local activities this summer. Staying on a budget."
Single friend then comments, "I don't get it, you have great apartment, nice car, look great, been at that job forever and you never get away like we do. You always stay focused on your budget. You say you make good money, so where the heck does your money go?"
"You don't even get together with us as much as you use to."
Single parent gathers their thoughts and says "Ok guys I am going to break down for you my finances, give you an estimate of my life. Yes I live well, I am blessed but I am going to show you what I work with so you can see that your lifestyle and mine can not be equal, not right now."

Single parent proceeds to take out a sheet of paper and *do the math.
Annual salary $60,000
after Uncle Sam est..$40,000 plus (maybe)
Rent/Mtge est...$16,000
College Tuition...$8,200 (on a low scale)
Bills...$8,500
Adjustable house needs...$4,500 (groceries, car gas, entertainment etc...)
Emergency savings...$1200
Kids school needs savings...$1200
Retire fund...$1200
Misc est...$2400 (kids activities, sports gears, transportation, school lunch etc...)

*these numbers are from my own conversations with other single parents and my own experiences give or take. Something we can actually see and get better sense of reality.

As you can see the math adds up to a -negative, something many parents deal with not just single parents in general.

When single parent is finished, the remaining friends eyes are in awe. "Wow, how do you do that and still seem so happy and stress free all the time?" "I have help and I still have difficulty managing stuff" says married friend.
"Geez, I would walk around pist all the time if I had to deal with that" said the single friend.

The single parent says, " I learned to work with what I have, not to envy someone else's back yard and not to live my life to impress another but to impress myself. Every day my child smiles, gets great grades, says I love you and sits with me is my reward. Every day I go home and have peace, I am rewarded. When I pay my bills on time, when I sit and watch a movie in my comfy couch, when I visit my doctor and get clean bill of health...I am rewarded."

Single parents, today I celebrate you. What you may or may not sacrifice. How you may or may not deal with pressure. When you do and when you don't let moments get the best of you.
Concentrate on putting your best foot forward, always. Measure success by the happiness in your children's eyes not by the quantity of things you have acquired.

Your neighbor may have the title of Mrs or your friend down the block may have just gotten in from a long night of partying, but it doesn't mean they are happy, they have stability, they have peace.
It just means they have things.

Perspective has become an amazing friend to me. Respecting that I love all those I invest my time with and hoping that we can all have empathy for one another.
Next time your out with friends use less judgment and more compassion. You never know what others are dealing with.

Start a conversation. Have you ever wondered how your single parent friends do it all? Do you think it is easier to be a single mother or a single father? What did you feel while reading this post?
Remember, always stress free xoxo