When Budgeting isn't the Problem

Every first of the month I do a finance review. I look over my bank statements and see how I have been spending my money. Sometimes I get up from that table pretty upset. I see way to many trips to CVS or Walgreens and I shack my head. I know I haven't used my money wisely. The family I was born into and the resources available to them and later on to me didn't leave room for many extras. I try not to repeat history but sometimes I fail.
You hear or read so often about how money doesn't bring you happiness but my perspective is that those who say that have it and don't know how to use it.

My daughter and I had a great conversation the other night in reference to finances. Being a product of two parents who have struggled with money issues in various degrees throughout their life time she has a very strong do's and dont's approach when it comes to money.

Being a single mother today I want to make sure that my daughter has put in place certain safety nets that she can grab on to later in life. One of those is investing. I have always felt that investing is one key to financial stability but my daughter has a different take on that. She feels investing is great but we need to invest on ourselves and not someone else's product.

illustration by debtfreeadventure.com

She believes investing is not for the poor or "middle class" unless you have large amounts of money that you are not solely relying on. She uses my desire to buy Google and Apple stock all the time. She always forces me to ask myself the question "how much stock do you think you will need to own in order for you to see some sort of financial reward?" The answer unfortunately is always the same...a lot.

So what's a person to do when you want to build financial security? When your last name isn't Kennedy or Wayans or Trump or Kardashian?

For me budgeting isn't the problem. I don't have issues following a budget my problem is that my financial responsibilities exceed my monthly income. So whats a person to do when this is the card they are dealt? I've implemented a few things in my life that allow me to not stress out as I did when I was younger.

-$25.00. That is my go to number when it comes to saving. I have that amount automatically deducted from my account weekly and deposited into my Emigrant Direct account. I don't concern myself with where is the interest higher because unfortunately it isn't in many places right now but at least if I need money for a car repair or emergency, that stash is there.

-52 week challenge. I've done it twice and twice it saved me from tough spots. Again some people unless they see a large number never feel they are doing enough but small steps become giant leaps.

-tax refund. Stop thinking that your refund is extra money, it isn't. It's actually money you could have been receiving in every paycheck if the correct taxes are being taken out. Why struggle during the year only to get a lump sum in the end and waste it? Speak to your accountant or someone else that has knowledge you can benefit from, look into your options. For those who still enjoy getting that lump "extra", use it to open an IRA or save it!

-repurposing items. By this I mean I try never to buy new I look for used or start "shopping" in my own home first. We tend to have things in closets that with a little imagination, creativity and a few dollars can become new again.

-thrifting. my daughter put me on to this one. Many people use a great quality item once and discard, why not be the happy recipient of that item!

illustration by quotes gram.com

-clothes shopping second hand. ThredUp is my go to. The quality is amazing and the prices are great. Again why spend more when you can save more.

-coconut oil. This may sound ridiculous but have you calculated how much we spend, especially women on face and hair products and shaving needs? Walk around your house and start adding the numbers...you will be floored. I purchase a large jar and use it for everything. From makeup removal to toast spread to shaving to hair mask. Google all its uses save some money.

-addictive email. Remove yourself from all store emails! You don't need to be alerted on every sale. When you need you search, you shop around then buy.

-store brands.I have for many years used store brands over name brands. CVS for example has wonderful paper products that are just as good or even better than Bounty or Charmin. Don't get stuck on Labels.

-know what you owe and know what you make. Many of us are afraid to really look at those numbers but when you do they liberate you. It doesn't mean that a miracle will happen over night and your paycheck will grow, but it does mean you will be more aware of where what you do have is going. Cut corners wherever you can, every little bit helps. I use to grab some goodies at Dunkin Donuts every day, now I shop at Western Beef once a week and pick up goodies to bring from home.

These are just a few of the things I use in my life to remain stress free. I don't deprive myself of fun or luxuries I just look for inexpensive ways of doing them. I love my time at the Salon, I love eating out, I enjoy decorating my apartment, I have a nice car but all with mindful living. Not to mention I have a daughter in college and we have another year or so to go.

Living comfortable is possible but only if you stop looking in someone else's window or scrolling through someone else's Face Book. Work with what you have and don't be afraid to say I'll pass and learn to hibernate. It is totally ok to sit some things out.

illustration by page covers.com

What tips and tricks do you use to better stretch your money. How do you save for emergencies and entertainment? What are your thoughts on investing for financial security? Would love to read your comments.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

Never to Early to start Saving

illustration by blog.credit.com

Happy Sunday, hope everyone is doing well. It's a beautiful sunny day today in NYC so I hope to take my camera out on a date later. As I enjoy my breakfast and clean out my inbox I came across my daughter's reminder that Tuition is due soon and that got me thinking...
My inbox is full of crap literally. I just finished deleting about 15 emails dealing with what I must have this coming Christmas or the top ten gift ideas blah blah. Sometimes I just hate the awareness I now have about living in such a society of Consumption. Oh no stop here you need this or don't worry by it now you can pay later.

I remember always feeling these pressures in my younger years and once I had my daughter the additional pressure of certain holidays and what the outside world was telling me I was suppose to be doing or wanting.

I am hear to tell you parents of small little kiddies...DON'T FALL FOR IT!!!

illustration by wahm.com

Save your money as our little ones get older things only become more expensive and College Tuition is no joke. I won't say I didn't do something to get off on the right foot but I definitely didn't do enough. I am grateful that my lil mama's school isn't over the top expensive but it is still a dent on my weekly paycheck and that is just tuition I am not even touching on her text books. What about those kids that go away and now you have to add dorm life and food!!!

So I am here to make a few suggestions and share a few tips to get you looking at a smoother ride.

-start a college fund the minute you know you are expecting even if $25.00 a week
-reduce the holiday gifts and instead stick to a reasonable number and put rest away
-if your child is gifted money divide it in half this way they enjoy some and you save the rest
-teach them work ethic and encourage summer jobs again encouraging them to say a portion of what they make this way they too have an investment in their future
-once they enter H.S. begin to research scholarship options and look into all the programs you may qualify for

illustration by listenmoneymatters.com

-be aware that unfortunately even if you are living paycheck to paycheck after a certain annual salary number you will not be able to be considered for certain scholarships or assistance
This happened to us and no matter my daughter's grades or class ranking or fact she was a female and a minority none of that mattered she didn't qualify for anything in their eyes I made too much money.
-be realistic don't pressure yourself or your kid(s) to only consider a certain school keep all options open be aware a name doesn't always mean better education it could well just be a networking situation
-start conversations early about ways to save for College, let your kids know what you truly can and can't afford
-Don't borrow unnecessarily. Let loans and grants be your last resort

Two income households may have a little cushion but even still with today's economy that is not even true anymore and those with one income such as myself I won't even go into how close we cut it week to week. So again start early!

We want to enjoy our lives we want to experience new adventures and we want to look forward to our children growing up and moving out so we can move on to our next chapter of our own journeys but it won't be any fun or stress free if we are worried about finances.
Again remember...
-be realistic
-communicate well
-look into all your options
-AND start early

illustration by forbes.com

I am sharing some links I myself looked into when I started my own journey I am 3 years in almost done it isn't and hasn't been easy but I am blessed to be able to help my lil mama and lil mama helps me.

gma.yahoo.com

savingforcollege.com

cnbc.com

What do you think? Any other tips you can share? What about your own journey? Did you just start or perhaps even finished? I would like to hear how you have dealt or deal with it.

Always stress free xo

Mari

The time I chose Reason over Impulse

Hello my lovelies today I'm going to admit to something that I didn't want to say out loud.

I have suffered at times from making poor choices when it comes to money management, there I said it its out in the universe. For as long as I can recall money and I have had a touchy relationship. We have our good days we have our bad days. We have our ups we have our downs. I've been working since H.S. none stop except for maternity leave and money has always been a driving force somewhere in my mind.

Growing up no one in my family ever really "taught" me the correct way to handle my finances this took years of trail and error for me to get it right and still today I sometimes trip on a rock or two. Case in point the reason I'm sharing this with you today.

I don't know about you but I think some of us can agree we come from a society that believes "I work hard I deserve it" and to some degree that is so true, I certainly believe that myself but to what extent are we going to fall for that line and end up hurting ourselves more than we help? How deserving is the quick gratification over the long term stress?

illustration by rifuture.org

One of the major things I've learned about finances and running a household is learning how to analyze your needs from wants when it comes to household shopping and labels and brands. When I first moved out on my own and I've spoken about this in the past everything I bought was because that's what my mom use to buy. Charming toilet tissue, Bounty paper towels, Glad trash bags, Downy fabric softener and so on. What I wasn't conscience of was that her household income wasn't mine.
I was 18/19 years old starting to build a life with a small income.

Slowly I started to change and when I started living with my daughter's father and then when I had my daughter those early behaviors continued to be tweaked or removed all together. Getting to this point in time today I have learned the following in order to do the right thing by my money:

-bulk stores are not economical unless you shop carefully and split costs with family or friends
-you don't need numerous cleaning products to clean around your house, baking soda, Clorox, a gentle wood cleaner, vinegar and a nice light scented oil is all you need for clean house and laundry. We have Google now and Pinterest soooo many DIY ideas look them up.
-ladies we don't need allll these anti aging, exfoliating, blemish control blah blah blah products Coconut oil, Tea tree oil, Green tea, cotton balls, brown sugar, some essential oils is all we need for great healthy skin again Google and other research tools will help you cut these costs. I don't even buy any type of shaving products I use Coconut oil for just about everything
-Family Dollar, Dollar Deals, CVS and Walgreens are great family budget places to shop at
-don't be cheap on paper towels or toilet tissue it will cost you more in the long run
-big ticket item sales aren't always sales so use caution
-just because there is a sale doesn't mean you have to make a purchase
-just because you have a few extra dollars doesn't mean you have to spend it which bring me to....
When I chose Reason over Impulse.

Last year I read a post on a blog I follow about the 52 week Money Challenge.  This Blogger was going to use it to go away on vacation with her hubby and two small kids. I said oh great I can try that and buy this bag that I wanted. Yes I love myself some handbags not that I need more I just want more. I wasn't thinking at that moment about long term goals or long term gains I was just concentrating on my beautiful new bag was going to "add" to my collection. Collection I say because again we are conditioned to think we need to add more, upgrade to better, variety is key.
So every week I saved my money checked each week off with pride keeping my eye on the prize, until my daughter made a comment that woke me up and busted the Impulse bubble.

illustration by freelogovector.com

She said "so you are going to buy that bag and what? Use it daily? You know you change your bag every few weeks you've been doing that for as long as I can remember and now this bag is going to change that? You're going to give that money to someone who doesn't need it instead of investing it in yourself?" OMG! My child I love her. She truly is my teacher now what was I thinking she was absolutely right. What was I going to do after I made my purchase? And how was that going to help me reach my goals long term? Her words opened me up to all those times in the past I've made a purchase just because "I've deserved it" only to later regret the waste.

It made me stop and recall years I could have been building a better nest egg for my family had the impulsive idea we deserve it right now had not gotten in the way. But after I allowed myself to go through those emotions I gathered my thoughts and decided to use Reason. I finished my 52 week challenge two weeks ago and decided to walk myself over to Chase talk to my account manager and open a Brokerage Retirement Fund. Maturity means learning to do what is best long term. Thinking things through and using rational thoughts.

As a mother, as a parent these are lessons I have always taught my daughter so why just because I am the adult would I not be listening to my own advice? I am proud to say I have a few baskets each with a few eggs in them and that is long term reason my short term impulses can be satisfied to some degrees with certain returns and that works just fine for me.

illustration by sheelagoh.com

How about you, are there things you desire that you feel you have earned only to later realize the lack of importance? Do you have issues balancing your financial responsibilities at times? What tricks or tips can you share that have helped you stay on safety net course? Share your comments with me.

52Week.pdf

Always stress free xo.

Giving Up

These thoughts come just at the right time! Christmas is just a few days away and everyone has lost their minds or so it appears if you are driving or in a store.
Today I almost got sideswiped twice by crazy drivers not looking at where they were going. I saw people with more bags than they could carry and I saw lines out the doors.

Thank heavens I am not in that mindset and thank heavens that I also made it home in one piece!
I handled my grandmother duties, I invested my time making her laugh and happy and I sat to write my thoughts...

Less is more, More is less.
Quality beats Quantity
Minimum effort Maximum results

On my minimalist journey these past several months I've had to reprogram my brain and in doing so I have found such clarity. I notice things and pay closer attention to how advertising works, store placement, magazines, commercials etc...there goal is to make you think you need. Make you feel like you are missing out on something if you don't have this or that.

They play on our weakness for excess. Wanting to be like so and so, competing to have the latest and greatest.

But at what expense?

Our safety net, our bills paid on time, our home repairs, our kids educations, our self esteem, our sanity, our we are good enough mindset?

illustration by blog.drmalpani.com

When I started this challange I took stock of what I had in my closet. Blouses, shirts, sweaters, slacks, jeans, leggings the works.
I realized I had a need for nothing but a want for a few things.
I have enough clothes and accessories to last me well over two months without repeating too much of one item and I decided that would be enough.

No commercial, no magazine, no sale, no extra week in the month was or is going to deter me from my goals from my plans.
I keep telling myself "look at bigger picture" and that is what I am continuing to do.


If you ask me what is One thing I could give up and not care I will answer that as of now it's jeans. What I have is more than enough.
I can mix and match, cuff uncuff, dress up or down.
If you ask me what is One thing I cannot give up I will say at this point is my search for a great mustard yellow or tangerine orange Winter wool coat!
Hey I'm being honest. Wish me luck in finding it while in all other aspects I continue to stick to my guns.

Do you fall trap to the commercials? The magazines?
What have you purchased because you "thought" you had to have it but really didn't "need" it?

Always stress free xo.

Do the Math

I am not one to invest much energy on the negatives of single parenting.

Be it a single mother or single father, each has issues, struggles, obstacles and stress.

I always say more likely than not single parenting was not a conscious choice, it was a hiccup on a road that two people started on.
Today we have more single parent households than there were in the past, certainly more than our grandparents or even our parents.
Many people still show distaste and disrespect to a single parent without even considering a day in the life of a good perhaps even great single parent.

If you are a single person or are married and have a single parent friend, I would like to bring you into their life. I would like to try to paint a picture that can shed some light.

Several friends get together for dinner after work. Among those is a single parent, the gender is irrelevant.

Single friend begins to talk about vacation plans, "Oh I just got my ticket to Miami, can't wait to start packing." Another friend, "Oh yes I have to start looking around, not sure where I want to head to this time around."
Married friend chimes in, "We are taking the kids to Jamaica this summer, staying at the Atlantis Resort."
Single parent then says, "Oh that sounds awesome, we well be doing mini getaways or local activities this summer. Staying on a budget."
Single friend then comments, "I don't get it, you have great apartment, nice car, look great, been at that job forever and you never get away like we do. You always stay focused on your budget. You say you make good money, so where the heck does your money go?"
"You don't even get together with us as much as you use to."
Single parent gathers their thoughts and says "Ok guys I am going to break down for you my finances, give you an estimate of my life. Yes I live well, I am blessed but I am going to show you what I work with so you can see that your lifestyle and mine can not be equal, not right now."

Single parent proceeds to take out a sheet of paper and *do the math.
Annual salary $60,000
after Uncle Sam est..$40,000 plus (maybe)
Rent/Mtge est...$16,000
College Tuition...$8,200 (on a low scale)
Bills...$8,500
Adjustable house needs...$4,500 (groceries, car gas, entertainment etc...)
Emergency savings...$1200
Kids school needs savings...$1200
Retire fund...$1200
Misc est...$2400 (kids activities, sports gears, transportation, school lunch etc...)

*these numbers are from my own conversations with other single parents and my own experiences give or take. Something we can actually see and get better sense of reality.

As you can see the math adds up to a -negative, something many parents deal with not just single parents in general.

When single parent is finished, the remaining friends eyes are in awe. "Wow, how do you do that and still seem so happy and stress free all the time?" "I have help and I still have difficulty managing stuff" says married friend.
"Geez, I would walk around pist all the time if I had to deal with that" said the single friend.

The single parent says, " I learned to work with what I have, not to envy someone else's back yard and not to live my life to impress another but to impress myself. Every day my child smiles, gets great grades, says I love you and sits with me is my reward. Every day I go home and have peace, I am rewarded. When I pay my bills on time, when I sit and watch a movie in my comfy couch, when I visit my doctor and get clean bill of health...I am rewarded."

Single parents, today I celebrate you. What you may or may not sacrifice. How you may or may not deal with pressure. When you do and when you don't let moments get the best of you.
Concentrate on putting your best foot forward, always. Measure success by the happiness in your children's eyes not by the quantity of things you have acquired.

Your neighbor may have the title of Mrs or your friend down the block may have just gotten in from a long night of partying, but it doesn't mean they are happy, they have stability, they have peace.
It just means they have things.

Perspective has become an amazing friend to me. Respecting that I love all those I invest my time with and hoping that we can all have empathy for one another.
Next time your out with friends use less judgment and more compassion. You never know what others are dealing with.

Start a conversation. Have you ever wondered how your single parent friends do it all? Do you think it is easier to be a single mother or a single father? What did you feel while reading this post?
Remember, always stress free xoxo