When Budgeting isn't the Problem

Every first of the month I do a finance review. I look over my bank statements and see how I have been spending my money. Sometimes I get up from that table pretty upset. I see way to many trips to CVS or Walgreens and I shack my head. I know I haven't used my money wisely. The family I was born into and the resources available to them and later on to me didn't leave room for many extras. I try not to repeat history but sometimes I fail.
You hear or read so often about how money doesn't bring you happiness but my perspective is that those who say that have it and don't know how to use it.

My daughter and I had a great conversation the other night in reference to finances. Being a product of two parents who have struggled with money issues in various degrees throughout their life time she has a very strong do's and dont's approach when it comes to money.

Being a single mother today I want to make sure that my daughter has put in place certain safety nets that she can grab on to later in life. One of those is investing. I have always felt that investing is one key to financial stability but my daughter has a different take on that. She feels investing is great but we need to invest on ourselves and not someone else's product.

illustration by debtfreeadventure.com

She believes investing is not for the poor or "middle class" unless you have large amounts of money that you are not solely relying on. She uses my desire to buy Google and Apple stock all the time. She always forces me to ask myself the question "how much stock do you think you will need to own in order for you to see some sort of financial reward?" The answer unfortunately is always the same...a lot.

So what's a person to do when you want to build financial security? When your last name isn't Kennedy or Wayans or Trump or Kardashian?

For me budgeting isn't the problem. I don't have issues following a budget my problem is that my financial responsibilities exceed my monthly income. So whats a person to do when this is the card they are dealt? I've implemented a few things in my life that allow me to not stress out as I did when I was younger.

-$25.00. That is my go to number when it comes to saving. I have that amount automatically deducted from my account weekly and deposited into my Emigrant Direct account. I don't concern myself with where is the interest higher because unfortunately it isn't in many places right now but at least if I need money for a car repair or emergency, that stash is there.

-52 week challenge. I've done it twice and twice it saved me from tough spots. Again some people unless they see a large number never feel they are doing enough but small steps become giant leaps.

-tax refund. Stop thinking that your refund is extra money, it isn't. It's actually money you could have been receiving in every paycheck if the correct taxes are being taken out. Why struggle during the year only to get a lump sum in the end and waste it? Speak to your accountant or someone else that has knowledge you can benefit from, look into your options. For those who still enjoy getting that lump "extra", use it to open an IRA or save it!

-repurposing items. By this I mean I try never to buy new I look for used or start "shopping" in my own home first. We tend to have things in closets that with a little imagination, creativity and a few dollars can become new again.

-thrifting. my daughter put me on to this one. Many people use a great quality item once and discard, why not be the happy recipient of that item!

illustration by quotes gram.com

-clothes shopping second hand. ThredUp is my go to. The quality is amazing and the prices are great. Again why spend more when you can save more.

-coconut oil. This may sound ridiculous but have you calculated how much we spend, especially women on face and hair products and shaving needs? Walk around your house and start adding the numbers...you will be floored. I purchase a large jar and use it for everything. From makeup removal to toast spread to shaving to hair mask. Google all its uses save some money.

-addictive email. Remove yourself from all store emails! You don't need to be alerted on every sale. When you need you search, you shop around then buy.

-store brands.I have for many years used store brands over name brands. CVS for example has wonderful paper products that are just as good or even better than Bounty or Charmin. Don't get stuck on Labels.

-know what you owe and know what you make. Many of us are afraid to really look at those numbers but when you do they liberate you. It doesn't mean that a miracle will happen over night and your paycheck will grow, but it does mean you will be more aware of where what you do have is going. Cut corners wherever you can, every little bit helps. I use to grab some goodies at Dunkin Donuts every day, now I shop at Western Beef once a week and pick up goodies to bring from home.

These are just a few of the things I use in my life to remain stress free. I don't deprive myself of fun or luxuries I just look for inexpensive ways of doing them. I love my time at the Salon, I love eating out, I enjoy decorating my apartment, I have a nice car but all with mindful living. Not to mention I have a daughter in college and we have another year or so to go.

Living comfortable is possible but only if you stop looking in someone else's window or scrolling through someone else's Face Book. Work with what you have and don't be afraid to say I'll pass and learn to hibernate. It is totally ok to sit some things out.

illustration by page covers.com

What tips and tricks do you use to better stretch your money. How do you save for emergencies and entertainment? What are your thoughts on investing for financial security? Would love to read your comments.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

Am I to Blame for...

Ah, being a grown up...gone are my days of not giving a *ish about my neighbors, community, society, whats going on in the news etc but instead just solely caring about me and anything that touched me directly...immediately. Like what outfit I was going to wear, when I was going to meet up with my friends, what to have for lunch, what movie should I go and see, should I give that guy my number.

Then I became responsible for myself and had to think about how much rent I could afford, is this neighborhood safe, can I cover those extra bills, is lunch with my friends really that important, how long will my commute be, do I really want to live that far from blah blah blah...then came the real kicker my lil mama!

Is this school going to be safe, what's the neighborhood like in the summer, is there a grocery store near by, can she walk to school alone, is there diversity, are there other kids around for her to play with, how far is the public transportation, is this apartment big enough for us for this price, can we afford to live here and still have a life, what are the after school programs like, what's this schools rating and so on and so forth.
I am sure my mom thought of some of these for me as well but not to the lengths that I did while my daughter was coming up. I am sure that her main concern was cost first safety a close second and comfort a third. She wasn't concerned about enjoying her environment but instead on providing a roof for her family she could afford and still keep food on the table.

As I strolled through my old stomping grounds in Brooklyn last weekend I was shocked and saddened and disappointed. I visited Bushwick, Downtown Brooklyn, Williamsburgh, Sunset Park and Bensenhurst. For those not familiar with New York City these are areas within the borough. We have 5 boroughs each borough is broken down into sections maybe something similar to what could be called counties in other states?

Anyway I walked past my old apartment buildings, old schools, old playgrounds and couldn't believe some of the changes. On the grand scale I would say the changes were beautiful. New buildings, stores, schools, new people, new vibe but on the smaller scale the changes meant that some people had now been pushed away, priced out. I don't want to say that a lot of the changes I saw I didn't enjoy or find use for but as I strolled along and took in the scenery I began to think of this...

Will I be priced out of my own birth place as time goes by? Will I be pushed out the way to make room for new faces? Guess what? I already have been. There is no way with my current salary that if I wanted to move I could afford to live in any of my old blocks. The rents have doubled and even tripled in some of these places. My beloved Brooklyn, the apple of my eye NYC is just becoming to pricey for me.

But who's to blame? Is there just one right answer? Is it even fair to start to point fingers? Life isn't fair we hear it all the time. The rich get richer the poor get poorer. There is a fantasy out there that if you work hard enough you will make it. That the dream of living a comfortable life is attainable by all, that the playing field starts off equal but it is not. It never has been and I think it will take a miracle for it to ever be. I don't knock the haves for wanting more or for what they already have what I do say is why take away what little the have nots have just to suit yourself?

illustration by petapixel.com

Why can't neighborhoods and schools and communities be repaired and renewed for those already there? Why can't it seem worth the effort to improve the life of all our neighbors instead of just some? Why does an area only have value if you remove its past? My mother worked many long hard years in the factories in Williamsburgh around the North side in the days when you could hardly catch a cab and the buses always ran late. Where you didn't see a lot of trees and the playgrounds were empty. Today you walk around and those days are gone. All those years she put into working there and today she wouldn't even be able to live there.

All those business all those families, gone, pushed away, bought out. And bought out for amounts that couldn't even get them a decent fresh new start. We all know times are hard all around, some have it harder than others but hard none the less. Where do we look to for the answers? Do you even really know what is going on around you?
Gentrification? do we even know what it means? Have you even heard of it before? Simply put its removing the poor to accommodate the middle class (which really doesn't even exist anymore) and the wealthy. You remove them from their neighborhoods to rebuild, renew and generate more money but in someones eyes that can only be done by taking the people that are less than or have less than away.

illustration by rsvlts.com

I'm embarrassed to say that I only became familiar with this word about a year ago when I went to pick up a friend in Bed Sty, Brooklyn. I drove down a street and I literally thought I was in SoHo (a section in Manhattan). I had to do a double take. When he came out his building I had to ask what the heck was up here and he said "oh its all part of the Gentrification of this neighborhood". I was at a loss for words. From that moment on I see this in so many places, it's hard to ignore.

I don't believe it's just a NYC issue I am sure it is happening in other places, other towns and cities where certain spots were not favored as much but are now booming with revitalization and growth. I am sure that my generation is more aware of the changes as we start to plan for our days after college tuition payments and into retirement. I know I sat the other night with my current numbers and it wasn't looking so good.

illustration by urban75.org.

So again I ask Who is to Blame? Is it an individual problem or a problem of a collective group? Is it just on me to find a means to increase my salary but pay more for services and still figure out how to get ahead or is it up to developers to take into consideration where they want to rebuild and how to include the people who already live their while not taking away from their profits? Do we penalize parents for barely making ends meet or do we say development is good but let's all work together?
Would it help or hinder businesses who wish to revitalize certain areas if they worked along with the current community?

I know there may not be a quick fix or easy answer but I believe that we are in much need of communications to start. We can't continue to just sit idly by and shrug our shoulders and say this is just how things are. I have always taught my daughter to question and to look for several options. I would hate that I would not at least be afforded the option to continue to live in the city I love as I get older.

What do think about Gentrification? Have you seen it in your own neighborhood? What do you suggest is a good balance for growth? Share your experience, lets talk.
ny.curbed.com
huffingtonpost.com
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Always stress free xo
Mari

Do the Math

I am not one to invest much energy on the negatives of single parenting.

Be it a single mother or single father, each has issues, struggles, obstacles and stress.

I always say more likely than not single parenting was not a conscious choice, it was a hiccup on a road that two people started on.
Today we have more single parent households than there were in the past, certainly more than our grandparents or even our parents.
Many people still show distaste and disrespect to a single parent without even considering a day in the life of a good perhaps even great single parent.

If you are a single person or are married and have a single parent friend, I would like to bring you into their life. I would like to try to paint a picture that can shed some light.

Several friends get together for dinner after work. Among those is a single parent, the gender is irrelevant.

Single friend begins to talk about vacation plans, "Oh I just got my ticket to Miami, can't wait to start packing." Another friend, "Oh yes I have to start looking around, not sure where I want to head to this time around."
Married friend chimes in, "We are taking the kids to Jamaica this summer, staying at the Atlantis Resort."
Single parent then says, "Oh that sounds awesome, we well be doing mini getaways or local activities this summer. Staying on a budget."
Single friend then comments, "I don't get it, you have great apartment, nice car, look great, been at that job forever and you never get away like we do. You always stay focused on your budget. You say you make good money, so where the heck does your money go?"
"You don't even get together with us as much as you use to."
Single parent gathers their thoughts and says "Ok guys I am going to break down for you my finances, give you an estimate of my life. Yes I live well, I am blessed but I am going to show you what I work with so you can see that your lifestyle and mine can not be equal, not right now."

Single parent proceeds to take out a sheet of paper and *do the math.
Annual salary $60,000
after Uncle Sam est..$40,000 plus (maybe)
Rent/Mtge est...$16,000
College Tuition...$8,200 (on a low scale)
Bills...$8,500
Adjustable house needs...$4,500 (groceries, car gas, entertainment etc...)
Emergency savings...$1200
Kids school needs savings...$1200
Retire fund...$1200
Misc est...$2400 (kids activities, sports gears, transportation, school lunch etc...)

*these numbers are from my own conversations with other single parents and my own experiences give or take. Something we can actually see and get better sense of reality.

As you can see the math adds up to a -negative, something many parents deal with not just single parents in general.

When single parent is finished, the remaining friends eyes are in awe. "Wow, how do you do that and still seem so happy and stress free all the time?" "I have help and I still have difficulty managing stuff" says married friend.
"Geez, I would walk around pist all the time if I had to deal with that" said the single friend.

The single parent says, " I learned to work with what I have, not to envy someone else's back yard and not to live my life to impress another but to impress myself. Every day my child smiles, gets great grades, says I love you and sits with me is my reward. Every day I go home and have peace, I am rewarded. When I pay my bills on time, when I sit and watch a movie in my comfy couch, when I visit my doctor and get clean bill of health...I am rewarded."

Single parents, today I celebrate you. What you may or may not sacrifice. How you may or may not deal with pressure. When you do and when you don't let moments get the best of you.
Concentrate on putting your best foot forward, always. Measure success by the happiness in your children's eyes not by the quantity of things you have acquired.

Your neighbor may have the title of Mrs or your friend down the block may have just gotten in from a long night of partying, but it doesn't mean they are happy, they have stability, they have peace.
It just means they have things.

Perspective has become an amazing friend to me. Respecting that I love all those I invest my time with and hoping that we can all have empathy for one another.
Next time your out with friends use less judgment and more compassion. You never know what others are dealing with.

Start a conversation. Have you ever wondered how your single parent friends do it all? Do you think it is easier to be a single mother or a single father? What did you feel while reading this post?
Remember, always stress free xoxo