Sunday, September 28, 2014

The Balance of Independence

As my Birth Day month soon draws to a close I wanted to sit for a moment and recap to myself what I thought were lessons I had learned this year. In the past just before my Birth Day arrives I review myself and my year and I give myself a grade.

Did I accomplish what I set out to do? Did I stick to my plans? How did I handle changes? Did I learn anything new? Did I help others? Did I make new friends and did I close any chapters in my life that needed closure?

This year I graded myself as ever changing, ever growing. Life can be bumpy as it is for me to be unkind to myself as well. Be kind to yourself, Always.

I wrote an independent piece for Women Connect Online an awesome site dedicated to women, mothers, wives, singles etc...a great place with a vast collection of information and I am always happy to be part of anything sharing options and variations. They so graciously accepted and ran my post on 9/15/2014 that I would now love to share with you.

illustration by

As a single woman in her early 40's I have found it a bit of a challenge to balance being an independent woman, strong and confident mixing in with the Dating world today.

I have been single now for over almost 3 years, dated several men during this time and chose to not date in 2014 so I could regroup and focus on what I wanted to come into my life.

I have been in 2 committed relationships in my life, one lasted 18 years and another 2 years.
What I learned from those unions was that you must accept your partner for who they are completely.
That you must not be in denial and think you will change them, yet be aware and clear that with respect and communication you can reach amazing compromises.
That relationships take effort, time and interest.

That you must like and enjoy this person outside of intimacy. That you never stop building the friendship so that all else continues to grow and flourish.

I learned that no one likes to hear and connect the words "hard work or work" when speaking of maintaining a relationship and I agree. I use to think that was the correct way to think of things but I have learned that no one really enjoys "work" and to most the idea and thought of "work" is a bit harsh and heavy.
If we are working 40 hours a week for example who then also wants to "work" at connecting with someone they love?

So this year has been a great lesson, those men I dated also taught me some great things.
Get to know yourself, be ok investing time on you, be clear in what you want and live life.
Be open to all possibilities, let go of the idea you have all the control because in reality we only have plans and goals but Life has its own way of sometimes presenting some bumps on the road and we must be able to breathe and be ok with that, let go and move on.
You attract what you put out, so make sure you are baggage free.

I have finally found the Balance of Independence.

Always stress free xo.


  1. I learned this lesson very quickly after my first divorce. As for my current marriage, I still had some learning to do, but after almost 18 years, we are pretty solid. Thank you so much for sharing on Meandering Mondays and have a great week!

    1. Stacey thanks for visit and comments, having loads of fun meandering for sure lol :)


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