I see my Value is still Less than Yours

"If you have a problem, please feel free to come to me. We can discuss anything and come to a reasonable solution."

How many times have women heard that before? Either at work or in school? How many times have you been told you are encouraged to speak up, only to be labeled difficult, uncooperative or bitchy once you have? I want to discuss two things and get you really thinking about their impact on your life, your daughter's life, your wife's, your mother's or your sister's.

nc-skinny-jeans-ban-proposed

illustration by the sweetestthingblog.com

The countless articles and discussions on dress codes and how Women must cover up in order not to distract their male counter parts. I'm suppose to walk around in a sack because some dude can't stop looking at me as a sexual object. I'm suppose to hide my shape because it may arouse my co-worker. My daughter can't wear her workout clothes after class because her classmate might feel he has the right to comment inappropriately. I have to pick up a store flyer that shows me a variety of swimsuit looks for "your body type" and the models are six through eight year olds! 

You are going to sit and read this and say "it doesn't affect me?" You aren't finding a problem with this? How males react to my body is my fault? It's not the fault of continued allowed mindset of male righteousness? Females can't wear a piece of clothing because males can't control themselves. That sounds so ridiculous. How about instead of banning teaching respect for women's bodies?

Yes yes I hear the chatter now "oh but women dress to get our attention, they reveal what they have so we can admire it and approach them." That may be true and it is part of the male female interaction  but it still doesn't give a male the right to tell me how I should dress. Men wear whatever they want and women aren't disrespecting them or degrading them at every turn. Let's think about that, tell me what you feel about banning clothing items. Will it really solve the deeper issues?

illustration by hub pages.com

presidential-proclamation-national-equal-pay-day-2016

illustration by engagemichigan.org

Equal pay...
For every dollar a male makes a female makes seventy nine cents. Think about that for a minute.
You have a son and a daughter both working hard both striving for similar achievements in life but your son will reach his end game faster. You have two friends both single both saving the same amount of money a week but one can't even afford to join you on that vacation you are so ready to book. You have two single parents that are now starting over but one has to down size their home because they can't afford the payments. The examples are endless I am an example myself.

When my daughter's father and I split up the only one who had a full blown lifestyle change was me. He still had his hobbies and his extras. While my friends were taking vacations and going out every weekend I was wondering how I was going to now stretch my paycheck to cover my bills. While they commented on what a great job I had  and the fact I only had one child none thought to think "she doesn't make the same amount of me as I do."

illustration by cdelf.org

Twenty one cents, that's the difference between you going away with your family and me staying in with mine. Twenty one cents is the difference between your kids going to summer camp and mine having to just stay at home. Twenty one cents is the difference between you building a nest egg and me barely surviving. Honestly think about that. Think about the many households run by women who  have to stretch what they have just to stay afloat. Also think about some have an additional strike of being a women of color.

Think about how hard the women in your life work, think about your little girl and all her dreams. Imagine how they are being taken advantage of or will be taken advantage of at some point in their lives. Will you continue to stand for that?

I see my Value is still Less than Yours. Start a conversation.

Always stress free xo
Mari

White Washing

Hey my lovelies, hope everyone has been doing well. I am in countdown mode to my lil mama's 21st Birthday!!! Yes 21, I just can't believe it. Where did the time go literally? I mean I just don't know what happened, but I do. Life.

Life happened.

As I prepare to celebrate such a huge milestone in both our lives I can't help but sit and recount all the wonderful memories of these past 21 years. All the lessons geez, how this wonderful girl has taught me about living. How she has taught me to open my eyes about man kind.

When you become a parent you can't look away at injustice you can't look away from another mother's pain. You can't make believe you don't see things and you can't continue to accept what most people call "the norm".

I have been following our presidential debates and looking at our candidates and just continue to shake my head at what I hear. I continue to be disappointed and my ears continue to hurt from all the garbage coming in.

illustration by youtube.com

Then I move on to World news and local news and it doesn't get much better. Police continue to kill off men like the are knocking down bowling balls. Mother's crying because their children can't get proper medical care, immigrant issues, education issues, sexist issues it just goes on and on. Then I watch a beautiful award show called Black Girls Rock and see such beautiful, intelligent, giving and inspiring women and ask myself...

What is in store for my child? My now grown adult child but my child none the less? What more will she bare witness to in her lifetime? 911, school massacres, poisoned water, hair discrimination, body shaming, gender discrimination, so called unheard of diseases popping up in places no one would expect endless sorrow.

Whenever lil mama and I have our talks about life and the world she always comments on what she views will be necessary in order for human life to prosper. One is that the old has to be totally removed in order for the new to take over. To her that means all the people who for generations have been making the decisions for all without considering all as equals. For her it means total removal of those benefiting at the expense of others.

She always points out that nothing happens just because. That some times "bad things" take place because they benefit someone's purpose. Drugs and alcohol in certain neighborhoods, lack of educational funding in certain communities, unequal pay or unequal treatment. These things allow the  powerful to remain powerful and the perception that we can all make it if we just work hard untrue and unattainable.  Reality check... Something a parent doesn't want to hear.

illustration by fynnexp.com

Talking to my daughter is a breath of fresh air because I have always been the "no that just can't be" type of person but when you are raising a minority child in a country that makes sure you never forget you are a so called "minority" it makes it very difficult to walk around with your head in the clouds. She knows I want to hold on to the belief of fairness and looking at things from a bigger perspective. She laughs with me and sometimes at me because I always say "well Oprah made it" to which she replies "yeah only as far as they want to allow her to".

Roll models...even Barbie adding some changes to her selection of dolls was a problem?!

So here I am nearing year 21 of my parenting journey and it is my child who is now guiding me to the ins and outs of life as we are currently living it. It is no longer I holding her hand as we cross the street or I filling out her medical papers, it is she who has to figure out how to cross the street while she texts her friends and it is she who has to shop around for Affordable Health care. It isn't about me being proud to check off Hispanic on her Tae Kwon Do Black Belt application but instead about her worrying if her last name will shut the doors to that job she's been hoping for. It isn't about me seeing my little girl growing up into a beautiful woman but about my little girl being held back because she is a minority woman.

I've been blessed to have been able to give my daughter a wonderful, safe, happy, peaceful, loving life. She's had her needs met and her wants have been negotiable. She's had awesome experiences and plenty of freedom. The rules didn't stop her from enjoying her teenage years and her independence didn't break my patience. We both stand here today in a great place.

illustration by hippo quotes.com

This is not a post to bash but a post to start talking. To start looking for ways to make small changes. To educate ourselves and to accept the flaws we have been trying to hide. To use the freedoms we so proudly boost about to help others. To stop exclusion start loving all mankind and to practice "liberty and justice for all".

What are your thoughts? What were the beliefs you grew up with? Did they change when you became a parent? Are some of us just whining or is there some truth to all the chatter? Please comment, let's talk.

My lil mama always says that truth covered in humor is easier pill to swallow for some, so she shared this with me...I share it with you.

Always stress free xo

 Mari