Eat Chocolate!

This has to be the funniest Brainsparker I've come across yet.  

When Life gets too serious think of this, enjoy.

illustration by globalinfodirect.com

you tube

illustration by pinterest.com

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Dream Chasing

Hey Dolls today is my baby #2 (viejita/grandma) 93rd Birth Day! I'm off today so going to lay in the sun for a bit then head out to Brooklyn! to give her a mini celebration. Though I know she is clueless to the importance of this day or any day I just want to acknowledge it. I'll share some pics on my twitter later. As I think of her 93 years and all her possible unfulfilled dreams I want to leave you with these thoughts.

I am always looking for ways to connect to like minded souls who enjoy writing as much as I do and I found a great group of people one of them being the lovely Ashley Coleman over at writelaughdream.com. I just did a great Webinar with her and she shared some great overall tips on ways to get closer to bringing your dreams to life.

She also has a great section on her page that has thought provoking writing prompts that I've decided I want to use in addition to my Brainspark and of course daily life and the news.

I find pleasure in many little things as well as some big things but I am in special bliss in my Photography. While everyone is busy in motion, I am still in observation. While everyone is focused on the main attraction, I am zoomed in on the little details. I've shared in the past my youthful dream to be a National Geographic Photographer. Though that dream for a very long time was stored away in the back of my mind and my life took me on a different road, I am grateful that in this stage of my life I can once again revisit it and see how far I want to go if I still want to go at all.

If you too are in a place where you are reconsidering an old dream maybe you can ask yourself these questions:

-Are you doing something everyday to work towards your dream? For me, the answer is yes. Mobile devices today afford us the luxury of always having a camera handy. I have no excuse not to take a picture or hundreds of pictures. I take photos everyday of many things. Sometimes I'll take fifty to keep four but that's part of the fun. Every day I get closer to where I am meant to be. For you it can be rearranging your work schedule to allow time for you to research or hold meetings.

-What does that look like? For me again, its just constantly taking pictures. Constantly looking around at my surroundings constantly researching information and implementing tips I have learned. For you it can be buying a new sewing machine or new drawing pencils.

-Getting up early, working late? When you have a passion for what you are doing there never seems to be enough time. Getting up early may mean you beat rush hour and get to the gym just in time for that great spinning class that gets your juices flowing or perhaps if your like me, working late so you have no noise around and you are alone in your thoughts. For me night time is so rejuvenating. I research, jot down notes, edit my pictures and go online and look for new places to visit and photograph.

-Are you making certain to make time for your dreams? As parents we make sure our families needs are met always but as mothers sometimes we forget that our own needs must be met as well. Dads somehow find time to do the things that make them happy, it should be no different for us as well. Moms should at least invest half an hour a day minimum on doing something that brings them closer to that forgotten dream. Even if its just something as simple as organizing their weekly planner to include shopping at their favorite craft store. For me its scheduling camera dates and going to photography classes both online and at workshops.

Dream chasing is never a waste of time if you love what you are chasing enough to make it come true. Everyones dreams are different there is no dream to big or to small. There is no right or wrong outcome only your outcome. I may never work for National Geographic I may never get a photograph published but that won't stop me from sharing my work in other ways and from picking up my camera every time I spot something that interests me. That certainly won't stop me from adding to my camera collection. Live your best life, go chase your dreams.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

The Look of Success

When I...I will have achieved success.

Filling in those blanks has so many possibilities. As we mature we realize that the Look of Success is not the same for all. That you and five of your friends started with one vision and all six of you ended up on totally different roads.

Seeing others around you accomplishing their goals should never make you feel less than. Watching them continue to succeed should inspire you to test your skills and your talents and find your own success. But what does success look like to you? Did you know from an early age or did it find you after years of struggles?

My view of success seems to change every few years. Today what I deem as success I would have viewed as a failure in my youth. What makes me feel successful today can look to some as just being regular. I wonder, is being regular a bad thing? Just what is being regular? Hummm something to think about anyway back to success.

illustration by iheartinspiration.com

I use to think that in order for me to be successful aside from the obvious financial factors I would have had to acquire certain material things. The big house, the big yard, the latest car, lots of travel and an awesome social life. Those things sound and I am sure can be nice but they aren't success to me, not anymore. I have known people who have this and more and are miserable. The house no matter how big and how full of "things" it is is still not a home still not good enough and still doesn't bring them joy.

summer stroll in Brooklyn

I live in a city many people dream of visiting or living in, New York City. I was born and raised in a borough with a colorful reputation, Brooklyn. Having my mom and her family choose this place was a success. I didn't go to college but the jobs I've held have allowed me the freedom to invest quality time with the things I love the most. I've turned every apartment I've lived in into my "homes". They have been filled not with knick knacks but with treasures. Every little thins has meaning and value. This has been success to me.

Diving into a good book, going to work, taking a Saturday afternoon nap, living mindfully, going sightseeing with my daughter, volunteering with kids or at the food pantry, learning from my failures and still walking tall, my writing, my photography, putting my daughter through college, assisting my grandma on her life's journey success success success.

illustration by pepper gang.com

How do you define your success? What has changed for you and what has remained the same? Do you currently see yourself as successful and if so how did you arrive there? Start a conversation, would love to her your thoughts.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Becoming a Better Listener

Good Morning, hope all my dolls are doing well. We are all still trying to figure out how to deal with all these events taking place one after another. Seems the abundance of hate is never ending. These days have got me thinking about some stuff.

I have a real bad habit and I just can't seem to shake it. I constantly interrupt when I'm in a deep conversation. Not because I don't care about what you are saying, not because I want to "win" simply because I am impatient. This has been a problem for me for many years and it wasn't until I started to practice Mindfulness, Yoga and Meditation that I was able to acknowledge that character defect. I was able to say out loud "lady you have a problem".

When you know better you do better, it doesn't mean you won't have slip ups it just means you can catch yourself faster so you can correct the behavior and stay on track.

illustration by azquotes.com

Lately I have had some major fails, I chalk it up to having a lot on my plate but that isn't an excuse. We all have tons of responsibilities to juggle and that shouldn't cover up poor behavior. I've had to apologize on a few occasions which I'm not to happy about. Not the apologizing part, if I'm wrong I'm wrong but about having to apologize in the first place when all that was required was for me to slow down and practice what I have learned.

The following are a few things I learned through my research and try to practice daily...

-listen as if your life depended on it. If you try this you will see that rushing to get your say in can really wait after all. No one is rushing towards death.

-listen without already have a response in mind. When you do this you aren't paying attention to the other persons feelings.

-make eye contact. When you look someone in eyes you can have empathy because you can see the emotions they are feeling as they speak. You can also stay present and focused.

-create a "safe" environment. Shut the gadgets off, sit in a quiet place. Distractions are harmful to great communication.

-love & respect. Remind yourself the goal is a resolution. You want to walk away with clarity and not build more confusion. 

These are the most frequent ones I use but the link I am sharing has a broader list and explanations. It may help you next time you don't do your best to listen and behave like a jerk as I have recently. Baby steps one day at a time we are all a work in progress and we can only correct ourselves.

lonerwolf.com

illustration by pinterest.com

What poor communication skill(s) do you have that keep causing you trouble? What tools are you using to try to get better?

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Measuring our lives in Moments

Measuring our lives in Moments, I love the sound of that statement. I wonder how many of us if we knew that our end was near would we be rushing through some of our lives moments.
Would we be speeding our way through dinner with a friend just to catch our favorite television show? Would we really invest time with someone we didn't like, just because we feel we have to? Would we think that Social Media was the best thing ever?

I can't say exactly where I ran across this statement but I haven't been able to shack the mark it left since I did. I find myself thinking about it every time I start to feel like I am rushing. I used it the other day while I was in the park meditating. I had to stop and ask myself what was the rush if this was my time, my moment. Why was I so concerned about heading back to the house to get my laundry done?

illustration by brainy quote.com

When my daughter comes in my room and throws herself on my bed while I am working sometimes I have to admit I get annoyed. She clearly sees I am in the middle of something, does she just not care? Is everything just about her? No. I have changed my perspective to be that she just wants to share her day and why not be present when there will come a day that moment will be gone. So now I gladly save my work and close my computer. Work can wait a few more minutes.

I spoke to my girlfriend's parents the other morning and her mom began to ramble on about our teenage years, did I have the time for it no. I was at work, had a desk full of papers and reports to complete I was just touching base but did I brush her off and hang up? No. I realized she was missing talking to her youngest daughter, who is no longer with us and I am the closest thing besides her eldest daughter that she has to talk to in that way. I enjoyed the moment because my girlfriend isn't here to do so.

my friend gave me the nickname Persephone, she's too cute

illustration by library.creativecow.net

Looking at myself in the mirror the other night as I was removing my makeup I took a long look at my hair. I leaned in and grabbed my streaks of gray/silver by my right temple and smiled. It is beautiful. I earned those gray hairs just by living. I don't think it was stress I think its from experience. Another chapter in my life. I see my grandmother and her hair is beautiful. A full head of gray, that will be me someday. I enjoyed that moment, my 44 year old self told my 20 something year old self yes we are still here!

There are just so many moments in our daily lives that can bring us comfort, joy, warmth and laughter. The fast pace we live in distracts us and makes us miss their importance. What can we do to slow this down? In my photography I implement a few things...

-walking slowly
-taking deep breaths
-looking in all directions
-disconnecting from any distractions

Taking these few steps helps me to capture something that normally would be missed.

How are you measuring your life? Is it by what you have acquired or by the time you volunteered to carpool your daughter's track team? Is it in the square footage of your home or that time you cuddled up in bed to watch scary movies with your son? Is it with the many likes on your pictures or with the time your friend cooked you a meal because you were too sick? Do you find yourself smiling because of the many moments or are you sad because you haven't had enough?

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Take the Blinders Off!

Good Morning loves, hope everyone is living their best selves. I had a different post I wanted to share today but recent news events changed my mind. I want to touch on a few things without ranting but instead sparking a pause in your life and some rational thoughts. Mothers and Fathers we owe that to our children.

Let me begin with the circus that is Donald Trump.
I can't say enough that I am not a political person, never have been. I just believe in fairness however we achieve it. What ever "party" is going to be fair is fine with me, I am still confused as to how we are the "United States" and have such huge division in politics to begin with. How instead of finding a balance its all or nothing at the expense of many. That is not "United" to me. I became more mindful of debates and such when my daughter became really interested in the Obama run.

She would have us sit and watch and discuss them afterwards. It made me take my blinders off at this countries racists views and proud of it attitude. It may not be in your face per say but it was and is there. It's always the same sentence, "I'm not racist I have such and such friends." Just because you say you have a "friend" doesn't mean you view them as your equal.

illustration by pinterest.com

Respectful of the Republican Party, how can you in your right conscious vote for a man who is clearly spreading hate and fear? Who promotes division and smiles at you as he does it? Who says he will make this a better country but you may not be part of making it better because though you may also be a republican he is talking about your family or your country of origin. How do you stand by that? Are pride and ego more valuable than actual human lives? Does the end justify the means?
nytimes.com
What do you think? Would you rather follow just because that is what you associate with or would you instead try something new?

My next light the match is the story of the Stamford sexual assault case.
Assaulting anyone for any reason is unfortunate in itself but sexual assault for me has an extra sting. Anyone can recover from a punch in the face or a real bad beating but a violation of your body so personal lives on forever. No matter how much time passes you always carry it with you. I can't image how that must feel but I can empathize. So to read and hear this young man's father try to brush under the rug "20 minutes of actions" as if it was or is nothing is sickening. Her life has value just like he thinks his sons does. A sentence as light as what he received is an additional slap in the face to the victim.
cnn.com

Which brings me to my perspective that certain people can get away with some things and others can't. White privilege.
Some people can say whatever they like and its taken as a joke or behave in a certain way and a blind eye is turned. This link I'm sharing shows us a different outcome to a "sexual assault" I want you to share what you think cbsnews.com

illustration by inspirationboost.com

Lastly, I want to acknowledge the transition of Muhammed Ali. I never watched him fight or sat and watched an old fight but I have watched some of his interviews and what sticks with me is his strength. Not as a fighter, but as a man. A man who never wavered in his beliefs. A man who never went with what was popular but instead with what was right, at any cost. From his refusal to enlist to getting rid of his Olympic Gold Medal, his strength shined from within. Equality, respect, love and kindness those are the words that come to mind when I think of him. How can I be "good enough" in your eyes for one thing but not in another? That is the question he always made you think about.

Take the Blinders off, question your beliefs. Were they handed down to you from your family? Did you come to these conclusions on your own? Is there room for change, is there room for new questions? Start a conversation.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

It's ok to have a slice of Fun

Happy Thursday!

The weather and time of year are finally in sync! I've been enjoying all the awesome colors and warm weather tunes being played. I wanted to share two of my current favorite things. It's not literally food but a treat and fun none the less.

Thursday's Treat...something to inspire you to have an Awesome summer!!!

-My favorite song right now love the double meaning and its catchy beat makes me just want to get up and move. Be inspired to live moment by moment and let go of the rigid life style.

cake by the ocean!!!

-Photos. I took these recently on a walk around my neighborhood. I love bright happy blooming finds. They remind me to slow down and enjoy again...the moment. I used my IPhone 5 and Tadaa app for editing tell me what you think. Enjoy!

Always stress free xo,

Mari

When Budgeting isn't the Problem

Every first of the month I do a finance review. I look over my bank statements and see how I have been spending my money. Sometimes I get up from that table pretty upset. I see way to many trips to CVS or Walgreens and I shack my head. I know I haven't used my money wisely. The family I was born into and the resources available to them and later on to me didn't leave room for many extras. I try not to repeat history but sometimes I fail.
You hear or read so often about how money doesn't bring you happiness but my perspective is that those who say that have it and don't know how to use it.

My daughter and I had a great conversation the other night in reference to finances. Being a product of two parents who have struggled with money issues in various degrees throughout their life time she has a very strong do's and dont's approach when it comes to money.

Being a single mother today I want to make sure that my daughter has put in place certain safety nets that she can grab on to later in life. One of those is investing. I have always felt that investing is one key to financial stability but my daughter has a different take on that. She feels investing is great but we need to invest on ourselves and not someone else's product.

illustration by debtfreeadventure.com

She believes investing is not for the poor or "middle class" unless you have large amounts of money that you are not solely relying on. She uses my desire to buy Google and Apple stock all the time. She always forces me to ask myself the question "how much stock do you think you will need to own in order for you to see some sort of financial reward?" The answer unfortunately is always the same...a lot.

So what's a person to do when you want to build financial security? When your last name isn't Kennedy or Wayans or Trump or Kardashian?

For me budgeting isn't the problem. I don't have issues following a budget my problem is that my financial responsibilities exceed my monthly income. So whats a person to do when this is the card they are dealt? I've implemented a few things in my life that allow me to not stress out as I did when I was younger.

-$25.00. That is my go to number when it comes to saving. I have that amount automatically deducted from my account weekly and deposited into my Emigrant Direct account. I don't concern myself with where is the interest higher because unfortunately it isn't in many places right now but at least if I need money for a car repair or emergency, that stash is there.

-52 week challenge. I've done it twice and twice it saved me from tough spots. Again some people unless they see a large number never feel they are doing enough but small steps become giant leaps.

-tax refund. Stop thinking that your refund is extra money, it isn't. It's actually money you could have been receiving in every paycheck if the correct taxes are being taken out. Why struggle during the year only to get a lump sum in the end and waste it? Speak to your accountant or someone else that has knowledge you can benefit from, look into your options. For those who still enjoy getting that lump "extra", use it to open an IRA or save it!

-repurposing items. By this I mean I try never to buy new I look for used or start "shopping" in my own home first. We tend to have things in closets that with a little imagination, creativity and a few dollars can become new again.

-thrifting. my daughter put me on to this one. Many people use a great quality item once and discard, why not be the happy recipient of that item!

illustration by quotes gram.com

-clothes shopping second hand. ThredUp is my go to. The quality is amazing and the prices are great. Again why spend more when you can save more.

-coconut oil. This may sound ridiculous but have you calculated how much we spend, especially women on face and hair products and shaving needs? Walk around your house and start adding the numbers...you will be floored. I purchase a large jar and use it for everything. From makeup removal to toast spread to shaving to hair mask. Google all its uses save some money.

-addictive email. Remove yourself from all store emails! You don't need to be alerted on every sale. When you need you search, you shop around then buy.

-store brands.I have for many years used store brands over name brands. CVS for example has wonderful paper products that are just as good or even better than Bounty or Charmin. Don't get stuck on Labels.

-know what you owe and know what you make. Many of us are afraid to really look at those numbers but when you do they liberate you. It doesn't mean that a miracle will happen over night and your paycheck will grow, but it does mean you will be more aware of where what you do have is going. Cut corners wherever you can, every little bit helps. I use to grab some goodies at Dunkin Donuts every day, now I shop at Western Beef once a week and pick up goodies to bring from home.

These are just a few of the things I use in my life to remain stress free. I don't deprive myself of fun or luxuries I just look for inexpensive ways of doing them. I love my time at the Salon, I love eating out, I enjoy decorating my apartment, I have a nice car but all with mindful living. Not to mention I have a daughter in college and we have another year or so to go.

Living comfortable is possible but only if you stop looking in someone else's window or scrolling through someone else's Face Book. Work with what you have and don't be afraid to say I'll pass and learn to hibernate. It is totally ok to sit some things out.

illustration by page covers.com

What tips and tricks do you use to better stretch your money. How do you save for emergencies and entertainment? What are your thoughts on investing for financial security? Would love to read your comments.

Always stress free xo,
Mari

Dear Love,

Dear Love,
   I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me every day and how much I appreciate having you in my life. Today of all days though I feel extra special and I owe it all to you.

I woke up with a sense of peace and gratitude only you can bring me. I woke up with a sense of purpose and pride only you have taught me. I woke up with only you on my mind because you make my heart smile so wide.

You taught me how to see the good in my worst times. You taught me how to learn from my mistakes. You took the time and made the efforts to heal my soul. You look at me and see Love look at you back.

illustration by zaratops.deviantart.com

Having you in my life has allowed me to continue to grow and to not let my short comings be my only offerings in life. You have made me see that anything is possible with nourishment and kindness. You have allowed me to remain flexible yet strong in the toughest of storms. In moments when I feel I stand alone, I close my eyes and you are there.

You have bought amazing people into my life who have given me so much but you have also taken away some I'd thought would be around forever. I realize now that even those times you were showing me love.

Dear Love,
   Thank you for existing as one of the many emotions I feel but the one that I lean on the most.

Always stress free xo
Mari

Morning Meditation

When you think about all the times that you were feeling off balance wasn't there ever a moment when you stopped and something so calming literally fell on your lap?

I have been slacking on my Meditation for some time now, not that I haven't been practicing but just that my practises haven't been as lengthy as I would prefer them to be. I know that doing a few minutes at a time is better than none at all but there is just something about my time in front of my mantle, legs crossed incense going that brings such joy to my heart. I have had many a session in tears.

The calmness, the breaths, the kindness and the gratitude sometimes just overwhelms me and I start to cry. I don't feel bad about those sessions I actually love them even more because they clear my thoughts and warm my soul. They make me feel alive and worthy of another day.

Usually my Saturdays I start them off with a Yoga class and then my breakfast as I check my emails. If I have a volunteer date I make adjustments to my time and if I have a Salon date I do my Yoga practise on Sunday morning. This particular Saturday I decided to do my Yoga in bed doyouyoga.com. There are so many awesome poses you can do just before you put your feet on the ground. After that I searched You Tube for a guided Meditation to start my day and OMG! did I find something wonderful.

This Louise Hay page and the following session...

I sat on my bed back straight, hands on my knees, open palm, breathing and then the tears began.

Great cleanse powerful message. If you have been feeling down and out if you feel nothing good is happening or happens in life period...this is a must hear! Even if you don't sit in mediation but just play it to listen. You will walk away with a better sense of Gratefulness .

What do you use to recharge your grateful for life button? How do you reconnect with yourself after life has bought upon some disappointments? Share lets chat.

Always stress free xo
Mari

The Happiness in Silence

Everything doesn't have to be loud and grand. 

Everything doesn't have to be bold and shocking. 

Everything doesn't have to be...said. 

Happiness in Silence

Knowing that your thought of daily.

Knowing that your being prayed for.

Knowing that your looked at with a sense of peace.

Happiness in Silence

illustration by project happiness.org

Sharing the same space without saying a word

Reading together without even speaking

Sitting across the room from one another just...being

Happiness in Silence

illustration by theverybestquotes.com

Something to think about.

Always stress free xo

Mari

New Beginnings

Here's to New Beginnings!

Happy 1st day of Spring!

My take away from this Winter is short yet powerful:

-what you put in may or may not be what you get out

-fair is not getting what you wanted but being heard, respected and reaching a peaceful compromise is

-where love has been cultivated there can never be hate

-trash is called trash for a reason

-nothing in life stays the same

-personal growth is an option that should be exercised Often

-reliving the past only hurts you, the others have already left you behind

-your children are a reflection of all parts of you, good or bad embrace it, own it, work with it

-things don't have to be Bad

illustration by quotesgram.com

Spring into action! Dust yourself off let the things that didn't work for you go and run towards those new possibilities. Like a beautiful garden, show all your amazing colors attract those bees just don't get stung because you weren't willing to move gracefully with the breeze.

Look in the mirror, do you like what you see. Listen to yourself, do you get inspired by the words coming out of your mouth. Time to reinvent yourself if the answer is no! Never to late until it is...for...

New Beginnings!

Always stress free xo

Mari

The reward of Not getting what you want

Hey lovelies is everyone as ready for warmer temperatures as I am? I have to admit that this Winter really wasn't so bad especially out here in New York. I feel like I blinked and Spring was upon us but hey I am not one to rush time so I'll enjoy the days as they come.

Enjoying the days as they come, is a good segway into my share today. Between being nervous about some of these Presidential candidates and just day to day occurrences both on the news and in my life I've been putting some thought into...

The reward of not getting what you want. 

Hummm how on earth is not getting what we want a reward? Well let me talk about some rewards I've witnessed and then we shall see.

illustration by jarofquotes.com

-I wanted my mom to work the types of jobs all my other friends moms had but instead she worked in places that I was not so proud of. Turned out that working in factories and bar tending and being a school lunch lady wasn't such a bad thing after all. She held her head up high, loved what she did and provided for her family with dignity. Seeing her take pride in what she did taught me great work ethic and taught me not to get caught up in labels...making an honest living is all that matters. 

-I wanted the big wedding all the bells and whistles. Turns out I was placing importance on the outside picture and not the true meaning of Unity. When I took the blinders off I saw that I preferred the quiet show of love than the loud roar of a gran performance.

-I wanted three kids, two boys and a girl. I wanted nonstop calling of my name and laughter. I wanted running around and constant opportunities to watch my kids succeed at things. I had one and she is more than enough. Six months into mommywood I realized I enjoyed my life too much to have to sacrifice my space. I enjoyed my ALONE time way too much to give it up. My lil mama has been the best thing to happen in my life I have had my three kids and more.

illustration by pinterest.com

-I wanted the guy that remembered and acknowledged holidays, birthdays & anniversaries. The one who walked through the door bearing gifts over flowing or sent gifts to my office as a surprise. Turns out I really don't like that guy because he sometimes forgets that gifts don't always mean something materialistic. Now I find joy in the one who buys me a book or brings me a cup of Tea just because he knows I need some peace and quiet. Now I appreciate the beautiful gifts that come in large and small packages.

-I wanted the high paying career that would afford me the lifestyle to live comfortably, travel constantly and do all the shopping I wanted. The career that would grant me financial security I didn't see my own parents have. The one I could spoil my kid in. What I got instead was a job. One that allowed me flexible hours, decent vacation time, plenty of space for leisure thoughts and peace of mind. One that didn't stress me out where my attitude affected my family. One that allowed me to provide for my loved ones and still have fun. One that didn't take over my personal life. Yes finances are extremely important and I do take measures to build on that but never at the expense of a great quality of Life.

Some say that when you make a plan never make a plan B because it means you already planned to fail but I say that sometimes the fail is not a failure. It just means plan A wasn't meant for you.
The Universe is always testing us and testing our resilience. It gains nothing from us failing it reaps the rewards of our Success.

illustration by quotesgram.com

Next time you put yourself out there and it doesn't turn out as you wish, don't delay bouncing back. Say goodbye to that chapter and hello to whats to come.

Always stress free xo

Mari 

The Reflection of Disappointment

Happy Sunday! To my surprise I was up and running by 8:30 today and was totally embracing the days possibilities but I wanted to sit a minute or two or thirty and chat with you guys about Disappointment. Today many go to their place of worship and discuss Forgiveness and being Kind to their fellow man and the importance of Family and Purpose but how many will take those teachings to heart and walk out and Live it?

This past week I had two eye opening experiences that hurt my heart deeply and woke me up to life's sometimes cruel reality. Human beings when wrapped up in their own pain, struggles or plans can be really oblivious to others around them and act very poorly. This can be displayed in both words and or actions. 

My first lesson was last Saturday evening, I had just returned from a camera date and was feeling really happy and proud of my captures. I was home whining down and called baby #2 (my grandma) to check up on her. Five minutes into the conversation with her weekend Home Attendant I knew that things were heading down hill. It was like I was in the middle of some bad relationship drama, with the he said she said. The one where you start to point out things that you have been holding onto for some time and the flood gates just opened up...WIDE.

illustration by pinterest

I won't get into details because the conversation was an hour and fifteen minutes and I will never forget that number because I will never get that time back and this woman displayed all the character traits I dislike and try to stay away from. Liars, schemers, cowards, manipulators, weasel behavior. She took an almost two year relationship and trust and spit on it and dragged it through the mud then set it on fire for show. She revealed some things that she was holding on to because "I am just not easy to talk to" that could have potentially put my almost 93yr old grandma that suffers from Alzheimers in danger. 

As I calmly explained to her I will never be easy to talk to if you lie to me in my face, then talk behind my back then come back as if nothing has happened. And why would anyone feel anything less that frustration and disappointment if things have just been revealed that could have been handled much earlier had someone had the respect to just speak up? You can't expect peace if you have set the tone for Chaos.

I referenced the fact that there are four women taking care of baby #2. I am the lead I take my cue from the remaining three  I can only solve a problem when I know there is one. I also pointed out the fact that my main responsibility and concern is my grandma if she is safe and good I am fine put her in harms way and we have a problem. I don't play with that it's like when parents protect their children at all costs, she is like my child. She can't defend herself or speak for herself or do for herself. She relies on us, on me to make the best choices for her and this woman was not understanding the depth of that. I had to invest a total of three trips to Brooklyn to speak to the other Home Attendants. I had to play mom and coral the kids at different times to get their versions of the story, then dissect the information to come out with the truth, remove Saturday problem lady. Parenting never stops, those skills go with you every where.

illustration by rowingupriver.org

My next lesson came from my daughter. After almost twenty one years she made a flip statement in fast conversation at 9am in the morning that bought tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. It was the first time ever I had felt she was disappointed in Me and ashamed of who her parents were. It was such a blow one that felt like what being punched in the stomach must feel like. She tried to correct herself right after but the damage had already been done and I just politely asked that we stop conversing any further, I gathered myself and left for work. 

As a mother all I have ever wanted to do and have done is make the best decisions for her safety and growth. The sacrifices I have made have been for her to reap the rewards of the life her father and I didn't have and to hear from her words that suggest we somehow failed is disappointing indeed. I spent the whole day in sadness just soaking up this new revelation. 

illustration by positivelypresent.com

I held an hour long internal conversation with myself just going over our life and laying the pieces down and I realized that yes to a twenty year old who is extremely driven and energetic and full of knowledge and conviction some of her parents choices may seem lazy and perhaps even weak but we worked with the cards that were dealt to us and did the best that we could with what we had at the time. I wasn't mad at her turns out because she was a reflection of all the hard work that's been put into her and it was that hard work that gave her the confidence to speak what was to her at that moment her truth. At that moment I made peace with her words and understood the emotions behind them. She was upset at how life had played out for her parents because she saw how much more they were capable of.

Several hours passed that day and my lil mama texted me that she wanted us to have dinner together and have a chat so we did. She made us dinner and we talked about our day and then she touched on our exchange earlier that morning and apologized profusely. Turned out she had ran into a woman while in school and they had had a lengthy conversation about many things one being the sacrifices parents make for their children. Seems the woman's own share on her journey with her son touched my little one and gave her a different perspective. 

illustration by loveandbiscotti.com

She told me how proud she was and always has been of me and all I have provided for her and how she was grateful for all the lessons her father had taught her as well. She commented on how she had reflected on her own maturity and present situation and couldn't imagine being able to handle all we had to handle on our own. She said she had a new appreciation for all she had learned on that day.

She said she understood now how a real good parents job is never really done. That we are always working towards making things better for our children. I accepted her apology and her hugs and kisses with open arms and told her I respected what she had to say and was grateful we could talk.

The Reflection of Disappointment, if we stopped to look at ourselves more often we would spread more kindness. We would speak our peace with gentler words. We would see ourselves in others. We are all just trying to figure things out. 

Having the responsibility of caring for another is such a strong role. Parenting is a journey with many stations. Disappointment is one we will all land on but if we learn to communicate clearly and with respect our stay there can become very short. 

Someone we love will disappoint us and someone who loves us we will disappoint. How are you going to handle that moment? What will you say or do to get to the next station? If you already were there how did you handle it? Let's start a conversation.

Always stress free xo

Mari

Lessons learned from the movie Inside Out

We seem to think that if we fix the outside things will get better.
We change our hair styles, our clothes, the cars we drive, the places we live, our place of employment.
We date a variety of people, socialize in different circles, join different activities all trying to escape something that pained us.

All along the pain never goes away entirely because it is In us.

I watched the movie Inside Out several months back and I loved it. I want everyone to see it. Young and Old. I truly believe that it holds the potential to save a lot of people a lot of agony and wasted time.

illustration by ranker.com

As I watched the movie I found myself recalling times in my youth when I had moved and felt the same way. I think I've moved over 13 times thus far and I am sure I have at least 2 more in me before my journey is over. For me it wasn't so much the moving part, that was always exciting it was the making new friends and leaving old friends behind. It was the "new" kid label I always hated. 

illustration by disneysisters.com

Joy-the more we practice seeing the good in things the less we will suffer. The longer we whine and pity ourselves the harder it will be to pick ourselves up. There is always a solution. Life is beautiful, just look outside your door or give your child a hug! As I've gotten older the smallest things bring me Joy and I love it.

illustration by disneysisters.com

Sadness-no one likes to be sad or experience sadness but it helps teach us to have gratitude for the good times and have balance in our lives. Allowing yourself to work through your sadness gives you clarity and energy to refocus. One thing I realized as I watched her was that I have always been ok with sadness its Anger that has worn me out.

illustration by disneysisters.com

Anger-it will eat away at any hope you cling to. It will allow doubt and confusion to set in and take the place of letting go. I have learned that we must not fight Anger but instead question it and break it down. We must be still with it and say "ok I know you are here but you won't be for long". We must learn to say Good Bye quickly. Learning to take deep breaths helps, trust me!

illustration by disneysisters.com

Fear-this little bugger! Yes you help keep us safe by setting our caution sensors on full blast but you also hold us back from possibly becoming more of our awesome selves. I have a love / hate relationship with you. You have saved my butt on many occasions but you also continue to hold my wings too tight...time to let them go. I now know that you are not rational so I have to take the reigns and be pro-active. I have to make lists and visualize. You are another visitor we can't let hang around too long.

illustration by disneysisters.com

Disgust-I happen to actually like this one! I don't like messes of any kind both literally and figuratively. I run away quickly from chaos so feeling disgusted by a thing or a person has come in very helpful in my life. I think Disgust to some may come across as a sense of Better than but if you feel that its on You, I don't control your emotions. Disgust keeps us on our toes and helps us question our choices. Its a checks and balance system that can help us avoid people and things that kill our Spirit. Do you keep smelly garbage in your bedroom? I sure hope not and why is that? I would hope its because you have pride in yourself and in your space and only want to be surrounded by Greatness!

So these are my thoughts on this sweet Disney movie. Great conversation starter with our kids. Helpful tool on discussing our feelings especially at a time when so many of our kids are going through so many changes. Communication is the key!!!

What do you think? Do you have a balanced grip on your emotions? Have you taught your child(ren) that its ok to feel all types of emotions but its how we handle ourselves through them that really counts? Share what emotion you struggle with the most? The least and which is your favorite?

Always stress free xo

Mari

No Time for It!

Happy Hump day my lovelies! Some of us are still working around mounds of snow others enjoying the sun. However we are dealing with our day I wanted to ask you some questions.

illustration by amazon.uk.co

Are you doing everything in your power daily to live your life to its full potential? Are you focused on you and not on someone else? Have you been looking at yourself in the mirror and tearing away at the layers of junk you have accumulated? 

I am finding that more and more of us are not living up to our full potential because we waste our time on things that just don't concern us. Things that when all is said and done won't have helped us get to our destination.

I had a very unpleasant experience recently I'd like to share. I find that when I talk through certain things I gain more clarity. Women I want to say that our reputation for being catty will only continue to be our downfall. There is nothing attractive in projecting our short comings on someone else. I wish we wouldn't prove people right with some of the things we so happen to engage in. Case in point gossip and spiteful behavior.

I've commented in the past that I don't allow very many people in my close circle and deal even less with women because of the tearing down one to bring up the other actions. Yes not all women are like this I know but sadly more are than not. I've experienced many things in my years but being blamed for breakup of relationships hasn't been one. Until recently when I've become the scapegoat for someone else's personal issues. As if my existence on this planet altered their circumstances, their choices and the outcomes.To give me such power is disturbing to say the least.

my daily reminder that TIME is precious so I make sure I NEVER waste it

I will only say this as I say it each and every time...You and only you are responsible for your life. Every action you take brings about the next outcome. Every word that comes out of your mouth brings forth numerous reactions. Your choices have consequences. Look in the mirror first before you start looking around and pointing the finger.

As a parent my responsibility has been to teach my daughter to be careful with her actions and own up to her choices. To set an example of mindful living and respectful communication. To use her Time wisely. Talking about people and spreading rumors, causing drama and chaos are a waste of time and energy. I've taught her to be supportive of her friends but not to get involved in the he said she said and that in every story there are three sides two the accounts of those involved and one the truth.

illustration by elynenoir.deviantart.com

As a woman I follow the same path. Tend to yours and don't involve anyone else. No one makes anyone do anything they don't want to do. Take responsibility for what you have bought to the table and focus on your plate. Its unfortunate anyone would place blame on another for their situations let alone sole blame. Its also unfortunate that adults would stoop to childish actions to somehow resolve the matter. I am only interested in dealing with my journey and reaping the rewards of its outcome. So I hope everyone else feels the same about themselves as well.

Music as always came to the rescue! I heard this song on the same day that my scapegoat drama blossomed and after processing and looking for clarity one thing is for sure. I am not wasting one moment on someone else's journey of discovery. I am not interested in engaging in blame games when I have my own life to manage. Do you boo.

Thank you Fantasia for this great Anthem at a time when other people's energy is invading my space

No Time for It!

"you feel some type of way

 she got s*** to say

 they gon' say some things that don't do nothing

 but remind me and if they're bringing up problems

 there's no time for it

 I don't care for gossip what they gonna say? "

What do you think, is it ever ok to place blame on someone else when things go wrong in your life? Do you feel that what someone else does needs to affect your life's outcome? Is it not up to us as individuals to access our own lives and make the choices that will bring about our own happiness? Does it make you weaker or stronger to give another power over your own journey?  Hummm so much to think about but what a great conversation to have with ourselves.

Always stress free xo

Mari

Brand New Me

Happy Thursday! Well I didn't even come close to winning the Power Ball, how about you? I will say it was fun picturing all the things I would do if I won. I was inspired to get my butt moving just a little bit faster.

Today I want to bring music back into Mommywood with a great Alicia Keys song...Brand New Me.

When I first heard this track back in 2012 it personally touched me because of things that were happening in my life at the time. I have often mentioned how much I love music and the roll its played in my life. It brings me such joy and peace no matter how loud or slow the song I can always find a message to take away.

The year of its release I cut off over 10 inches of hair for donation, I broke up with who I thought at the time was my partner for life, I began my Yoga and Meditation practices, I began to teach myself French and I began my full time journey into Volunteer work. One was to keep a promise and gain a fresh start (cutting my hair) the others were coping tools for the pain I was feeling at the time but turned into lifetime treasures. No pain lasts forever, in time it just becomes less and you learn to put your focus on the now and not the then.

if I talk a little louder

if I speak up when you you're wrong

if I walk a little taller

I've been under you too long

if you noticed that I'm different

don't take it personally

don't be mad, it's just the Brand New kind of Me

it took a long long road to get here

it took a Brave Brave girl to try

I've taken one too many excuses one too many lies

don't be surprised, oh see you look surprised

hey, if you were a friend, you want to get to know me again

if you were worth a while

you'd be Happy to see Me smile

I'm not expecting sorry

I'm too busy finding myself

I got this

I found me, I Found me!

lyrics by Alicia Keys & Emeli Sande

 I heard this song today on my drive to work and I smiled. It no longer reminded me of the pain I felt back then or the changes I was going through but instead it made me smile because I made it. I am here and I am a Brand New Me.

Don't allow life's obstacles to get in the way of you living and growing. Take it one day at a time but keep going. There is a big bright smile just around the corner. Intimate relationships test us, they allow us to figure out if we can join with another and grow. I say this goes for all relationships. So the next time something in your life ends...make sure you come out the other said a Brand New You.

What do you think?

Always stress free xo

Mari

How Awesome is it to be the Original You?

Isn't it funny how you can hear something often but it only takes someone saying it in a different way to make you stop in your tracks? Words are so powerful and can do so much but its when you listen carefully that it can bring about changing moments.

"You are the original researcher of your own life"- Jon Kabat Zinn

illustration by ahealinglove.com

It has been a very long time since I looked at my life and wanted to be like someone else. Those days of being envious or jealous of another's journey have long left and I want to credit the past 10 years of my life and all the people who have come in and out during this time.

When we are young we are always wishing to be someone or something else for the most part I think its a universal experience. I think maturity, mistakes and experiences tweak this behavior as we grow. I think its just a process we must go through in order to arrive at our authentic self. To want to emulate someone we see as having a great life because of what they show from the outside only to as we mature and we begin to tear away their layers we arrive at the truth and realize they are not perfect or they don't have it as great as we thought.

It is then that we grow to appreciate our Original selves.

illustration by payalrai1303.wordpress.com

I'm the Original me! Think about that. Think about how awesome it is to be you. To be able to shape your life and yourself as you wish. Not having to use someone else's template to be who You want to be. Think about how freeing that revelation is! Think about the endless possibilities your journey can achieve.

I'm the Original me

No one sees that Rose like I do

No one will enjoy that breeze like I did

No one will capture that photo the way I did

My words are my own

My smile shines as it does because it is looking at you

No one laughs as I do

No one will see my scars and see the beauty I see

No one can dream my dreams

No one looks at that cloud the same way I do

My wardrobe fits Me

My home is cozy for Me

My body type is awesome to Me

My daughter loves me because I am Me

Today I encourage you to see how amazing it is to be You and to go out and share that Original beauty. Share with me what is your Original beauty!

Always stress free xo

Mari