The Text that led to No Where

Here's an update! Hey loves so you know that all things serve as a lesson right? Some are great ones and some not so much well this one is a continuation of a three month class.

Do you recall when I shared with you how a dear friend of mine had tried to be supportive and somehow motivate me with his words and the intentions I understood but the delivery was terrible? If you're new here read this so you can catch up insert smile and wink faces.

Well since that September evening I've heard from him about two or three times none of which I responded to until almost two weeks ago. Just right after Thanksgiving I received a lengthy text from him which I read and put away until the next morning. I prefer to soak things in before I react especially things I deem worthy of my fullest attention.

illustration by pinterest.com

I am going to summarize the exchange hopefully doing it proper justice and with total respect.
The text was semi lengthy in it he touched how he had not heard from me in a while and that he hoped that an evening of conversation had not ruined our years of friendship and that he apologized if I was upset over the exchange it was not his intent. That he loves my daughter and I very much and that he has the utmost respect for me. That he hoped for some sort of resolution.

My response was that I love him and his family very much too and that because I did grasp what his intent was, because of all the years we have known on another I was able to understand and respect his stance. That I felt what clouded our friendship was his poor delivery and that if he truly knew me he would understand that my standards are not guided by others instead solely by me. That being respectful of peoples experiences is a must and that I was and am totally open to a conversation with him because of our history together but again never at the expense of my value. I ended my text by again expressing my love and openness to another conversation. I pressed send...here we are today no response.

My perspective is this...I took away that at the time that text was sent the emotions were genuine. The interest and intent were clear and there was a real sense of “let's find a way to mend things." When I responded my energy was equally the same. The non response to my response says it really wasn't that important after all.
If you reach out to someone and ask for a resolution to something that clearly needs mending then when they respond you stay silent doesn't that throw out the window the resolution request? If you are in the wrong and are given an opportunity to make things right would you not jump at the chance?

illustration by pinterest.com

The Text that led to No Where has really strengthened my views on value. Words are just words if your actions continue to show you don't value that person or persons you say you love. Again a Season a Reason or a Life Time in the end they all have a take away.

I'm still cool with how things have played out. I have no emotional attachment to the exchange or any bitterness towards the outcome. Respect and love is what I feel.
I continue to be grateful and open to all possibilities. Life is meant to be lived with the intent that once we know better we do better. Our journeys don't end when some people in our lives don't stay on the ride with us if anything it makes for a much more interesting adventure. It forces us to break away from security and push forward into the unknown.

I'd love to hear what you think about this new turn of events? Would you be more upset after the non response or would you just close the chapter? Would it make you rethink your stance on relationship dos and don'ts or would you still deal with your connections the same way? Love to chat!

Always stress free xo,
Mari

We can't Build anything Alone

Something to think about...

compliments of Brainspark   

Hey dolls! I wanted to talk about Independence. You know how we are all at some point in our lives striving for Independence? Whether its from our parents as we are growing up or in our relationships, especially us women when we want our partners to "respect" we can handle our own? Well today I want to share that I still strongly believe in the need for us to find our own way but that I have grown to embrace the helping hand of others.

I'm going to share a silly example but the change it has bought to my life and my home is actually huge! It is giving up doing the laundry, yes you read correctly doing the laundry.

For many years I've had a certain routine and I have never allowed anyone in my household to handle the laundry but me. That is the taking to laundromat and actual washing. Sure the sorting is easy darks and lights who can mess that up but the wash? So many things can go wrong.
-prewash routine
-not enough detergent
-which detergent to use in what compartment
-when to add the Fabric Softner
-bleach no bleach
-cold or hot water
You get the picture and lets not get into the dryer part, that is another routine in itself.

I really don't know why I just didn't show my family how I liked things to be done and allow them to try it and tweak to suit them. It really wasn't such a big deal yet it was. It was the whole "I can handle it all" attitude. But reality was that after my responsibilities with my Grandmother evolved I just didn't have the time or energy to micro manage. Something had to give if I wanted time to do all the things that I really loved. So goodbye laundry duties it was.
I did a whole demonstration and let go of the reins and haven't looked back since and can I confess something? They do an even better job than I did but shush we can't say that out loud lol.

Point is we can't build anything alone. No business, no buildings, no relationships, no families. Yes we can come up with the idea we can have the vision but we need others to help us bring these things to life. We need support we need cooperation we need period.

illustration by amazinganimalstories.com

How can we become more comfortable giving up the reins? Here is my suggestion:
-start small pick one thing and hand it over to someone else
-allow a certain amount of time to pass before you "check" on things
-invest that time on something new like exercising, going for walks or new hobbies and passions
-accept that no one can do things like you do but that it's totally ok

Before you know it you may start delegating other house duties and getting the whole family involved. Imagine how much time you are freeing up to enjoy life together and individually. In the end the whole purpose is again to build. To be able to accomplish something faster than perhaps originally possible alone.

This small change has afforded me time to invest in my workshops, networking events, photography opportunities, writing classes, Yoga meetups and several other things that I just wasn't able to get into. I am grateful for the change indeed.

What are you struggling with that if you allowed others to pitch in would make a huge difference? What was one thing you did change and what was your experience? Share your stories!

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Silence is Golden

I have learned the hard way that Silence is Golden.

In the past I was very quick to just say what first came to mind and to respond to a question or situation at that very moment.

The cost of me doing so changed my life completely, so much so that I will never be the same again.

I found myself in a place I didn't like and didn't want to be in. I found myself disappointed in my actions and causing myself to live within walls that weren't allowing me to grow. If we are not growing daily...then we are not truly living.

illustration by quotesgram.com

How did I learn and change?

Well I started by learning the practice of Meditation. Then I began to practice Yoga. Then I began to learn how to Listen (still working on it) Then I began to ask myself some hard questions.

-Who am I?
-What do I accomplish when I just pop off at the mouth?
-When I am speaking in haste or anger, am I still meriting respect?
-If I say what comes to mind am I adding to the problem or providing a solution?

Granted we all are emotional beings, some would say women more than men but if we allow our emotions to dictate our behavior we are just setting ourselves up for failure.
Failure in communication, in being heard, in Listening, in compromise and in respect.

illustration by myquotesclub.com

As a mother I didn't want to teach my daughter that my actions were ok. I didn't want her to think it was acceptable behavior to text, tweet, email, post or talk to anyone when she was in a moment of anger or discomfort. Most of the time once you say something it is very difficult to take it back and even saying I am sorry, won't cut it.

So next time someone upsets you, questions you or says something that causes you discomfort take a deep breath allow a few minutes to pass and then answer. You can even say I need some time to respond to that, I will have to get back to you.

Practice practice practice trust me you will be far better for it.

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you 

will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

-- Chinese Proverb

What are your thoughts, have you said something you wish you could take back and it still haunts you days, weeks even years later? Do you have any tips that can help in staying calm in times of Chaos?

Always stress free xo,

Mari 

Word Association & a Happy New Year

Happy Sunday everyone, hope we have been enjoying our day.

Seems like everyone is coming down off the Christmas high. I was out yesterday for filling my grandma duties and noticed that several stores already had Valentine's Day stuff out. Yes you read correctly...Valentine's Day. Fast paced living for sure.

I've been on my end of the year clean up trip and decided that I will be taking of this week to get all my thoughts in order.
I want to revamp a few things in my life and I want my writing and blog to reflect those changes but only with a few days off can I achieve that.
I still will be participating in my duties as Host and Co-Host of the link parties I am involved with I will just not be writing any stand alone posts of my own until January 4th, 2015.

So in the meantime I want to wish everyone a safe, healthy, happy, peaceful New Year. May you all go out and live your best lives and be free of chaos, drama and extra baggage.

To get the ball rolling here you go love, Mari.

Mediocre doesn't want Greatness to come around, for it gives hope that there is indeed something better in store for us if we just keep pushing forward.

Poor Behavior doesn't like Enlightenment because when you know better you do better. Then you leave it in the dust stewing in its misery.

Loud doesn't like Peaceful because in the silence it points out all its buffoonery. The calm brings out the truth and clarity.

Ignorance doesn't like Question because in not knowing you are blinded and can not prosper.

Misery loves company.

We hear often about Haters and may even know a few but do we really take the time necessary for us not to become Haters ourselves?

My mother always taught me to be mindful of the company I kept.
There is a saying in Spanish that says in paraphrase "tell me who your hanging with and I will tell you who you are".
That saying was drilled into my being and I drilled it into my own daughter. It is truth.

I can't expect to see my cup as half full if everyone around me sees it half empty.
I can't dream big and work on achieving if my friends dream small and are complacent.
I can't live in clarity if my home is in chaos.

Every time I sit and practice Meditation I pick a word and focus on it. It allows me to learn more about myself and what direction I want my life to go in.
When I first started my practice I heard many "oh you won't be able to sit for too long or oh that just sounds so silly". The people who said those things are no longer around and I can sit for 30 minutes now, so right there is the proof of minding the company you keep and the words that come out your mouth.

Misery loves company.

illustration by sober politico.com

Are there more drag you downs than pick me ups in your life?
Is it time to clean house?

Always stress free xo.