Who owns the Right to be called "Mother"?

As I drove to my grandmother's house today for yet another doctor's visit I started to think about roles. I took today off so that I wouldn't rush through her visit and then feel pressured to get to my office and feel productive. I wanted to fully be present in my responsibilities today. My role was to represent her in all ways possible, to speak on her behalf and make the best choices for her over all care.

I drove up to her building, parked my car and proceeded to walk to the door. I announced myself, went to the mail box and got on the elevator. I waited for her home attendant to open the door for me. I in a boisterous show of guess who's here announced myself with a big smile and walked over to give her a kiss. She asked who I was and why was I there, I said "to take you to your doctors and bring you back home". She stuck her tongue out and said she didn't need to go anywhere and turned her back to me. I sat beside her and kissed her cheek, took her hands and bribed her with a treat if she would go with me...she finally said ok and we left.

During the visit her behavior was awesome, lots of laughter, lots of chatter overall pleasant experience. The usual "wow she is 92?!", "wow your her Granddaughter?!" comments were said and I like a robot repeated the same responses I always end up saying. My role was to take care of her needs. I got her up to date on her shots, updated all her info, discussed future options. I was the adult in the relationship.

Once I dropped her off and went through my check list I kissed her some more and said how proud I was of her today for cooperating so well with me and for that she had earned her treat...a small amount of tobacco for her pipe so she could smoke. Be it something that some would say no to I don't because it has been her only vice and its the only thing she still remembers that brings her joy and that is what I am here for, to make her ending a happy and peaceful one.

As I closed the door behind me I smiled because I felt like a proud Mother. My child had cooperated with me and made me proud. That thought bought me to a story I came across yesterday featuring Kim Cattrall (Samantha from Sex in the City). It was in regards to comments she had made on being a "Mother". I totally understood what she meant and where she was coming from so what I am about to say next is for those who apparently didn't.

I have always been a "Mother" even before I had my own child. I'm a nurturer, I'm a protector. When my mother would leave me in charge of my sisters my role was to be their second mom. To make the best choices on her and their behalf. To protect and provide. When my friends would bring their kids over, I was a second mom. Again providing protection, love and nurturing them. That never meant any disrespect to the women who carried them or diminished the fact they carried these babies for nine months.

illustration by freequoteswishes.com

What she said if you stop being so touchy and feeling like you own the word "Mother" was actually very touching. I am a Mother who carried her child for nine wonderful months but if another women who shares in the same line of responsibilities without the nine months feels like calling herself a mom, I wouldn't be offended in the least.

It's almost like insulting people who decide to adopt or people who are just honored to play the role of God Parent. As if you couldn't love or care for a child that is not your own. You want to use the word "Mentor" instead of "Mother"?, sure do so if that is how you feel. But if you care for a child just as a "real" parent would or does and you feel like your a mom go ahead and call yourself that as well.

Again, catty women. Always knocking each other down. Never just encouraging anothers choice in path always finding fault in those who don't do it "their way". How were her comments provocative? Why hasn't she paid her dues? Because she doesn't have stretch marks on her belly or woke up hourly during the night or because she didn't take a child to his/her first day of Kindergarten? How do we know that she hasn't been present in other ways that matter just as much? How do we gauge what her presence and importance has been in anothers life?

moth·er

ˈməT͟Hər/

noun

1. 1. 

   a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth.

   synonyms:

   female parent, materfamilias, matriarch; More

verb

1. 1. 

   bring up (a child) with care and affection.

   "the art of mothering"
2. 2. 

   dated

   give birth to.

   synonyms:

   give birth to, have, bear, produce, birth; archaicbe brought to bed of "she mothered two sets of twins" * 3mother verb : to give birth to (a child) : to be or act as mother to (someone) : to care for or protect (someone) like a mother moth·eredmoth·er·ing \ˈmə-thə-riŋ, ˈməth-riŋ\ Full Definition of MOTHER transitive verb 1 a  :  to give birth to  b  :  to give rise to :  produce 2 :  to care for or protect like a mother

*merriam-webster

I have a wonderful friend who is more of a sister to me than my own and she chose not to have any children of her own but she is absolutely a Mother to her nieces and nephews, to her friends children and to my own. She does about the same or even more than most parents do for their own children. I would never take offense if someone called her Mom. The time and effort she invests in them is priceless.

So.....if you were offended my Ms. Cattrall's comments please try to look at her comments from another perspective. It was not that serious. Those of us who carried our babies for nine months don't  own the rights to "Mother". Be happy for those who want to nurture, love and care for another human being.

huffingtonpost.com
etonline.com

What do you guys think? Am I wrong in not feeling offended by her calling herself a "Mother"? Is the label or role of a "mother" on size fits all? Why are women so caught up in ownership of labels?
Let's chat it up.

Always stress free xo.
Mari

Markings that tell a Story

Ever been fascinated by something as a child and when you heard the grown ups speak about it they made it seem so bad?

Ever see something so beautiful or what you thought was beautiful and when you pointed it out to someone else they saw the opposite?

I have and I am sure so have many others.

This post is about Tattoos.
My Tattoos and the story they tell.

I have always been fascinated by the idea that someone would have such conviction on an image or belief enough to mark their bodies with it. Or that something made such an impression on them that they wanted to carry it with them forever.

Tattoos bring forth many thoughts and emotions. A lot of misconceptions and opinions. They never go by unnoticed that's for sure.
They can be great conversation pieces, they can break the ice, they can even let you know just how judgmental our society can be.

I have 5 Tattoos. My first was in my mid 20's. At the time I got it, it was not very acceptable because of the placement. It is above my butt in the waist area and it was called a "tramp stamp". I never used those words or thought of it as such, but I did run into people who would. Unless I wore an open back or something of that nature or unless you were a close friend, family or my partner you would never see it.
I chose this area because of my admiration for the lower back, I think its a very sensual place on a woman and I wanted the art piece I chose to be an expression of that. I chose vines with yellow Roses and a small butterfly fluttering between them.
Yellow Roses are not a choice many make everyone is stuck on Red, I always have to go my own way and Butterflies are delicate, they start off as not so pretty and break out into this beautiful free spirit.
Rare choices and growth...that is that story.

My 2nd and 3rd Tattoos came in 2007, after I returned from P.R. from visiting my friend Cynthia in the hospital. My visit with her and the reason and circumstances that bought me there changed many things in my life from my beliefs to my daily living actions and emotions.
I got a heart on my left hand wrist that is shaded starting in black at the tip and grows lighter as it expands.
It is to some a Black heart, to me it is a reminder to be loving but be guarded not everyone deserve your love so freely.
I have on the back of my neck the word BROKEN. The font and placement I chose were deliberate, it is a very strong word and one that has caused many NOT me, mixed emotions. I hear many jokes like "who broke you?" or "oh your broken?, how can I fix you?" It lets me know how closed minded many are and how very few people are mindful of words, their meanings, their power, their purpose.
I love this piece, I am so proud of it because I don't see a negative I see growth, experience, openness and life.

My 4th and 5th Tattoos I got in 2012, after a bump on the road changed the course of my life's journey.
On my right foot I got a symbol of the Sun with my daughter's initial E.
She is my sunshine, she is my pride and joy. She is the best part of me and one of the main purposes of me being on this earth. When I put my best foot forward I put my right foot so that is why she has that placement. She is always my inspiration to do my best and even when I don't that I am still loved.
On my right forearm I have an Hourglass with wings.
Time is precious, time is valuable, time is priceless. Once it is gone you can never get it back. Be mindful and respectful of time.

These pieces are an extension of me of who I am, of my life's journey. They are an artistic expression, a creative outlook on all of what life has taught me and of the growth I have experienced.
They are not low class or trashy or mistakes or picked out on a whim. They have been researched, drawn by friends, discussed and thought of thoroughly.

I am not the first and I won't be the last. I shared this because I have found that many people just need to start a conversation. To learn and to be open. Those old school thoughts on Tattoos are ridiculous. The negative labels on people who have them no longer should hold true. All types of people use this form of expression. This is no longer just for group A or group B.

I will say I am firm believer in purpose and reason. I am not about trends or fitting in.
As a parent my daughter has always been aware of my pieces and shared in my experiences.
When she came to her own conclusion that she too loved this form of expression, I had 2 rules:
-after the age of 18. I am not signing anything to give you permission. This is a conscious choice you need to make and you should be held responsible for doing so.
-research and come to me with a clear reasoning behind your choice. If you can't articulate why you want something, then it is not going on your body.

This is a collage of my pieces.
I love them and have no regrets.

As parents it is always important to be true to ourselves. To keep our own identities and not allow it to become just mom or just dad.
Why would we want to loose who we were before our children came into our lives?
Shouldn't they be additions to our all ready greatness?
Why would I stop being a creative and free spirit, if I did so then how could I teach my daughter to embrace these qualities in herself?

Freedom of expression and creativity come in many forms. If we don't really understand something then let's talk about it. Communication.
I wouldn't want my daughter to go behind my back and mark her body just because I wasn't open to a respectful discussion.
I have run into a few kids that have and the results weren't so great. Kids today express themselves in many ways from clothing to hair to piercings to Tattoos. It is really not a big deal. Pick your battles, set some guidelines and let them be.

Always stress free xo