Sunday, February 9, 2014

Stop pointing your finger

This is not an easy subject to tackle or even one that many like to touch upon or discuss.

As always I never shy away from real life or from any opportunity to have a teaching moment with my daughter.
She is close to turning nineteen (19) years old now and entering a new stage in her life. We have been blessed to have always been able to discuss any and all topics, nothing is off limits...nothing. As I have shared in the past I never set a specific age or time to discuss any particular matter. We just talked as things came up. That was something her father and I believed in strongly from day one.

This particular subject is nothing we haven't discussed in the past either because it came up in our lives through family or friends or because we or she saw or heard something in regards to it via television or other form of media.

The subject matter is Cheating.

I am going to start this by saying ...No one can wreck something that isn't already Broken.
No one comes in and wrecks anything that already didn't have cracks.
With that you can chose to continue to read or delete this post all together.

Ok so if you are still here and I have your attention, let us talk for a moment.
Some time ago while having breakfast, my daughter and I sat and watched a segment on Good Morning America that had women on discussing a website dedicated to so called exposing women who engage in cheating.

It's a site where wives blast the so called other women, who destroyed their home. Really?
So let me see, your house was running just fine. You and your significant other had this amazing connection. The kids are doing well, work and the house are in order, your sex life is for filling.You help one another be the best version of yourselves and instill that in your family. Your communication skills were on point, your goals were clear and being met and you were peaceful in your spirit.
You invested a significant amount of time with one another outside of the children, you led fulfilling lives outside of one another, you were supportive and respectful and so called best friends. Then one day your wonderful husband ran into this "other woman" and she just "took" him away? You don't know how, heck he doesn't even know but just like that she snatched your "prize" up.

Seriously, there is something very wrong with your story.

First things first, women need to stop blaming the other woman and hold their partners accountable.
Women need to stop being so catty.
Second, women need to have a little bit more self worth, respect and value.
Fighting for a man? Blaming someone else, taking him back and then blasting your business on a website?

This is not about making excuses or condoning poor behavior. This is about accountability. It is about more than just one thing or one person. Doing that would just be taking the easy way out. It would be hypocritical to assign ourselves judge and jury of someone else's personal life and home.

Relationships are very complicated and breakdowns begin to happen for many reasons. It would be a shame for me to teach my daughter to blame others when things go wrong. It would be poor of me to teach my daughter also to stick around when things are just not working.
Everyone deserves respect, support and love.

If in your relationship you are no longer connected, your goals are no longer the same and your emotions are more lows than highs...it is time for a conversation. Don't allow what began as a fairy tale (what some women dream of) to end in a horror show.

I have personal experience in knowing when it is time to let go. I can say I am grateful it was not connected to cheating but it was connected to being disconnected.
I ended my relationship with my daughter's father after eighteen (18) years. It was sad, it was surreal, it was an adjustment but it was what I knew was the right thing to do. I loved him enough not to ever disrespect our union, our family, our daughter. We ended peacefully and lovingly.
My daughter has amazing memories of a life lived with two (2) parents that truly loved and respected one another till the end.

That is what we discuss, that is what I have taught and continue to teach.

Build a strong relation, respectful, supportive, kind and full of communication. Be true to yourself at all times. Never engage in disrespectful behavior to get your so called point across. Be accountable at all cost.
When something no longer works its time to close that door and open a new one.

Let's start a conversation always three sides to every story his, hers and the truth.

“Stop pointing fingers and placing blame on others. Your life can only change to the degree that you accept responsibility for it.” Steve Maraboli

6 comments:

  1. So true, I never fought over a man, but have lost many to other women and it only made me stronger so now I have a wonderful hubby of 23 years!

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    1. Look at that Antionette,so it really wasn't a loss after all! Instead it was what opened your path to what was meant to be in your life your wonderful sweetie today :)xoxo

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  2. Awesome article Mari. It's so true. I went through the finger pointing stage and came to a point in my life where I realized I was going about it all wrong. You live and you learn.

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    1. Megan thanks for honesty and comment. We all at some point have to face ourselves only then can we find happiness. Thanks for stopping by hope to see you here again soon :)

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  3. I absolutely love the message in this.
    I'm only 21 years old, I had my son at 17. I don't want to go through the whole sob story of it all, but our relationship ended because of the pregnancy.

    Two years of being a parent changes your mentality from being a wild teenager to a mature caregiving adult, and I knew it was in my son's best interest that I rid myself of animosities I harboured towards his father.

    I have another man in my life who's assumed the role of my son's leading male role-model, but after establishing a peaceful and caring relationship with my son's father, my son's been able to have a loving and healthy relationship with both myself and his father.

    I totally agree with you about accountability. It may be at the fault of one person or another, but you need to accept the fact that you chose to be with that person and having to live with their mistakes is the risk you take in being in that relationship.

    This is the first post I've read on your blog, but the message here was very inspiring. You definitely attracted me with the idea of "stress-free" parenting - and I think it's funny relating to this because I'm not much older than your daughter, yet I'm already looking for tips on how to raise my own son.

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    1. Czarina, first beautiful name and second thank you so much for visit and comments. Glad I was able to peak your interest hope you continue to visit :) as for stress free...only way to really be healthy, happy, peaceful and enjoy all life has to offer even the down moments have a great lesson :)

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