Establishing Rules for our Children

Hey everyone! Can you believe we are midway through July? Summer gives way to parents loosening up on some of there daily routines I thought I'd revisit one of my favorite topics, House Rules.

Rules should...

• be tested, broken and amended accordingly. 
• nothing should be followed blindly or set in stone.

This is part of our kids journeys as they grow up but parents, let’s make things easier on ourselves. We need to learn to establish and stick to the rules we set and amend them when needed and as our children get older.

illustration by pinterest.com

These were some of my house rules:

• Homework is always first, then playtime.
• Must have breakfast every morning
• Bedtime was 8 pm, after 6th grade it increased by an hour.
• Sleepovers were only allowed if I knew the parent and had visited their home at some point, even if to drop off for a play date. This was amended as my daughter became a teen.
• No last minute request to stay over at friends house or to go visit a friends house, period. Always required ample time to gather all information.
• No friends in the room with door closed. This rule was amended after 6th grade.

Lil mama and I speak on this often and she comments about how necessary rules are even when our kids rebel. She states how grateful she was for having them because they kept her focused and out of trouble.

Do you feel that the same rules apply across the board at all ages and for all things? Are there rules with no exceptions?

illustration by indietabletop.net

My perspective is we must embrace flexibility, allow our children the right to question our rules and express their feelings on them. Nothing is set in stone and each child is different so for the best outcomes we should be willing to compromise.

Are there rules with no exceptions? What are some of your rules? Do you recall the rules your parents had for you and how are they different or the same for your child(ren)?

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Willing

I love when a poem or a song is so detailed and clear there is nooooooo way you can't get the message. I love that if you are shy or not good with expressing emotions there are so many tools you can gravitate to for some help.

Today I am going to chat a bit about expecting things from others that we ourselves may not be giving or willing to give. I've shared some of my experiences with dating again after years of being out of the game, back in the game then out again. I have plenty of treats coming your way but today let's start with Willing.

Ready, eager and prepared to do something is the definition but do we apply it to the way we approach connecting in relationships? When we as women begin to connect with men are we prepared and ready to compromise and communicate honestly and openly. Same question for men, are you ready and prepared to lay your cards down, to talk to listen?

illustration by pinterest.com

Our Willingness to bare our souls and to not let pasts failures creep into our now is tough at times, I won't lie I work on some of these daily myself. Dating in today's rules hasn't been easy but it's been totally doable because of my willingness to be clear. I am looking forward to connecting with someone who enjoys me, all of me. Yes dating can be a hit or miss sometimes a few misses more than a hit but I refuse to become jaded and say I am ok staying single. Why should I? I am still young and have a lot to offer. I actually feel sad for people of a certain age when I hear them speak and sound as if they have thrown in the towel. Why? You mean to tell me you are so set in your ways you are no longer eager to try connecting with someone else?

You mean to tell me no one can meet your standards? How high are you setting them, are they even realistic and would you meet those same standards if someone was measuring you by them? Don't get my words twisted, I am not saying aim low or reduce, I am saying compromise, be ready to give other options a try. Don't expect or ask for something you yourself are not giving, that's all.

I love this artist I am about to share on, Jill Scott. Her words move and inspire, uplift and question, show and tell. I am so glad that a friend of mine reminded me of her latest work and bought this track/interlude to my attention. It touches exactly what I mean about willing to give what you want to get. Willing to be clear and laying things out.

You want me flawless
You want me patient
And sweet
You want me willing
You want my honesty
You want me to be
Appreciative
Respect your space
Ignore your fears
You want spontaneity
A good girl and a freak
You want loyalty

You want something that you’re not willing to be

Expecting me to be loyal
Expecting me to be faithful

What do you think? Do you agree that you need to have equal expectations? Do you feel you should get more than you give? Do you believe that after a certain age there is just no point in dating? Let's start a conversation, tell me what you think.

Always stress free xo.

Stop pointing your finger

This is not an easy subject to tackle or even one that many like to touch upon or discuss.

As always I never shy away from real life or from any opportunity to have a teaching moment with my daughter.
She is close to turning nineteen (19) years old now and entering a new stage in her life. We have been blessed to have always been able to discuss any and all topics, nothing is off limits...nothing. As I have shared in the past I never set a specific age or time to discuss any particular matter. We just talked as things came up. That was something her father and I believed in strongly from day one.

This particular subject is nothing we haven't discussed in the past either because it came up in our lives through family or friends or because we or she saw or heard something in regards to it via television or other form of media.

The subject matter is Cheating.

I am going to start this by saying ...No one can wreck something that isn't already Broken.
No one comes in and wrecks anything that already didn't have cracks.
With that you can chose to continue to read or delete this post all together.

Ok so if you are still here and I have your attention, let us talk for a moment.
Some time ago while having breakfast, my daughter and I sat and watched a segment on Good Morning America that had women on discussing a website dedicated to so called exposing women who engage in cheating.

It's a site where wives blast the so called other women, who destroyed their home. Really?
So let me see, your house was running just fine. You and your significant other had this amazing connection. The kids are doing well, work and the house are in order, your sex life is for filling.You help one another be the best version of yourselves and instill that in your family. Your communication skills were on point, your goals were clear and being met and you were peaceful in your spirit.
You invested a significant amount of time with one another outside of the children, you led fulfilling lives outside of one another, you were supportive and respectful and so called best friends. Then one day your wonderful husband ran into this "other woman" and she just "took" him away? You don't know how, heck he doesn't even know but just like that she snatched your "prize" up.

Seriously, there is something very wrong with your story.

First things first, women need to stop blaming the other woman and hold their partners accountable.
Women need to stop being so catty.
Second, women need to have a little bit more self worth, respect and value.
Fighting for a man? Blaming someone else, taking him back and then blasting your business on a website?

This is not about making excuses or condoning poor behavior. This is about accountability. It is about more than just one thing or one person. Doing that would just be taking the easy way out. It would be hypocritical to assign ourselves judge and jury of someone else's personal life and home.

Relationships are very complicated and breakdowns begin to happen for many reasons. It would be a shame for me to teach my daughter to blame others when things go wrong. It would be poor of me to teach my daughter also to stick around when things are just not working.
Everyone deserves respect, support and love.

If in your relationship you are no longer connected, your goals are no longer the same and your emotions are more lows than highs...it is time for a conversation. Don't allow what began as a fairy tale (what some women dream of) to end in a horror show.

I have personal experience in knowing when it is time to let go. I can say I am grateful it was not connected to cheating but it was connected to being disconnected.
I ended my relationship with my daughter's father after eighteen (18) years. It was sad, it was surreal, it was an adjustment but it was what I knew was the right thing to do. I loved him enough not to ever disrespect our union, our family, our daughter. We ended peacefully and lovingly.
My daughter has amazing memories of a life lived with two (2) parents that truly loved and respected one another till the end.

That is what we discuss, that is what I have taught and continue to teach.

Build a strong relation, respectful, supportive, kind and full of communication. Be true to yourself at all times. Never engage in disrespectful behavior to get your so called point across. Be accountable at all cost.
When something no longer works its time to close that door and open a new one.

Let's start a conversation always three sides to every story his, hers and the truth.

“Stop pointing fingers and placing blame on others. Your life can only change to the degree that you accept responsibility for it.” Steve Maraboli