Meditation for Dummies

My choice of words for this title is more about grabbing your attention than it is about disrespect or name calling.

Sometimes we are so busy moving, planning and doing that it takes something sort of shocking to just stop us in our tracks. For many of us its a word or something we hear.

I want to share some of my Meditation journey with you.

I have been aware of Meditation since H.S. when a classmate of mine and now a longtime friend bought it to my attention and shared her and her families journey using this practice.
I found it interesting but being 13 or 14 years old I was not into clarity or calmness or being in the moment.
I was more into go go go and my way is the right way.

About 3 years ago a had a life changing experience that basically forced me to stop and slow down.
I had a major change in a relationship that at the time I thought was building on a strong foundation when in fact it was building on very rocky ground.

Sometimes things are right in front of us and we just refuse to see them.
Anyway so as I was saying, I was bought to a halt a place I had never been at before.
After about a month and a half of asking myself all the why's I could possibly ask myself I decided to stop questioning and start doing.

I began to work on myself and really get to know who Mari was. Who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life moving forward.

One of the things I turned to without hesitation (finally) was Meditation. I went on Google and researched tons of stuff.
Centers, Music, the History, its Purpose etc...

I found out that many community centers, especially in NYC through a program called Shape Up NYC offer many free classes through our Parks and Recreation programs one of them being Yoga which includes Meditation.
I immediately found one and joined.

I then set out to make a space in my home where I can practice and be committed to my new journey.
This is what I came up with...

One of the most eye opening moments for me was during one of my Yoga classes when at the end my instructor said "let's prepare for Corpse Pose".

I was like "what?". I looked around to see if anyone else was as shocked as I was apparently not.
She instructed us to lay down, our hands to our sides, palms up, eyes closed.
She said some other things but only thing I heard was death and rebirth.
That was a moment I will never forget and that is one of my favorite parts of my practice. I am including links with info if you wish to explore further.

mindbodygreen.com
artofliving.org
myyogaonline.com

Asian and International rituals Coffin ceremonies for the living

thaiworldview.com
thaizer.com

Meditation is many things to different people.
It is indeed a practice not something casual. It is a way of life.
I started my practice with barely making it through 5 minutes of stillness, I am now up to 30 minutes.

My practice brings me a joy and peace like no other.
It is mine and I don't have to share that space with anyone or anything.
It centers me and brings me clarity. It allows me to be accountable for my actions and to be present in what I do and who I choose to interact with in my daily life.

Meditation has even bought my daughter and I closer as if that was even possible :). We discuss it, we practice it together at times and we respect and appreciate what it has done for the vibe in our home.

As a parent I suggest it as an alternative to Time Outs.
Sitting in a chair or bench because you behaved poorly doesn't teach a lesson.
If we instead sit still with our kids and ask them for a few minutes of reflection, eyes closed, hands on their laps maybe at the end of those few minutes they will come out of it calmly and with better attitude to be more cooperative.
Sure little ones lack focus for long periods of time, but even 1 or 2 minutes of sitting close to mommy and or daddy with eyes closed can teach a lesson.

What other alternatives have you found in place of Time Outs?

Always  stress free xo

Stop pointing your finger

This is not an easy subject to tackle or even one that many like to touch upon or discuss.

As always I never shy away from real life or from any opportunity to have a teaching moment with my daughter.
She is close to turning nineteen (19) years old now and entering a new stage in her life. We have been blessed to have always been able to discuss any and all topics, nothing is off limits...nothing. As I have shared in the past I never set a specific age or time to discuss any particular matter. We just talked as things came up. That was something her father and I believed in strongly from day one.

This particular subject is nothing we haven't discussed in the past either because it came up in our lives through family or friends or because we or she saw or heard something in regards to it via television or other form of media.

The subject matter is Cheating.

I am going to start this by saying ...No one can wreck something that isn't already Broken.
No one comes in and wrecks anything that already didn't have cracks.
With that you can chose to continue to read or delete this post all together.

Ok so if you are still here and I have your attention, let us talk for a moment.
Some time ago while having breakfast, my daughter and I sat and watched a segment on Good Morning America that had women on discussing a website dedicated to so called exposing women who engage in cheating.

It's a site where wives blast the so called other women, who destroyed their home. Really?
So let me see, your house was running just fine. You and your significant other had this amazing connection. The kids are doing well, work and the house are in order, your sex life is for filling.You help one another be the best version of yourselves and instill that in your family. Your communication skills were on point, your goals were clear and being met and you were peaceful in your spirit.
You invested a significant amount of time with one another outside of the children, you led fulfilling lives outside of one another, you were supportive and respectful and so called best friends. Then one day your wonderful husband ran into this "other woman" and she just "took" him away? You don't know how, heck he doesn't even know but just like that she snatched your "prize" up.

Seriously, there is something very wrong with your story.

First things first, women need to stop blaming the other woman and hold their partners accountable.
Women need to stop being so catty.
Second, women need to have a little bit more self worth, respect and value.
Fighting for a man? Blaming someone else, taking him back and then blasting your business on a website?

This is not about making excuses or condoning poor behavior. This is about accountability. It is about more than just one thing or one person. Doing that would just be taking the easy way out. It would be hypocritical to assign ourselves judge and jury of someone else's personal life and home.

Relationships are very complicated and breakdowns begin to happen for many reasons. It would be a shame for me to teach my daughter to blame others when things go wrong. It would be poor of me to teach my daughter also to stick around when things are just not working.
Everyone deserves respect, support and love.

If in your relationship you are no longer connected, your goals are no longer the same and your emotions are more lows than highs...it is time for a conversation. Don't allow what began as a fairy tale (what some women dream of) to end in a horror show.

I have personal experience in knowing when it is time to let go. I can say I am grateful it was not connected to cheating but it was connected to being disconnected.
I ended my relationship with my daughter's father after eighteen (18) years. It was sad, it was surreal, it was an adjustment but it was what I knew was the right thing to do. I loved him enough not to ever disrespect our union, our family, our daughter. We ended peacefully and lovingly.
My daughter has amazing memories of a life lived with two (2) parents that truly loved and respected one another till the end.

That is what we discuss, that is what I have taught and continue to teach.

Build a strong relation, respectful, supportive, kind and full of communication. Be true to yourself at all times. Never engage in disrespectful behavior to get your so called point across. Be accountable at all cost.
When something no longer works its time to close that door and open a new one.

Let's start a conversation always three sides to every story his, hers and the truth.

“Stop pointing fingers and placing blame on others. Your life can only change to the degree that you accept responsibility for it.” Steve Maraboli

Money can't Buy

Not everyone of course celebrates Christmas and as my daughter says it’s really just something that has become commercialized. Not many observe the true meaning of this time of year. Even more just get sucked into the quantity of presents.

Today I will share a list of gift ideas that won’t cost you a thing but will last you and the recipient a lifetime. This is my GIFT to you, stress free and priceless.

1- A walk around your favorite park taking all the sights in with deep breaths while holding hands.
2- A day of you stay in bed, or on the couch and I will take care of the rest.
3- An at home mani/pedi. There is nothing like having your hands and or feet massaged.
4- Write a short story or poem expressing the gratitude you feel for this person is in your life.
5- Find that one special song that expresses how you feel about that loved one and play it for them.
6- Sit quietly together and read your favorite passage from your favorite book. Share why it touched you so, it will shine a new light on a part of you they may not be aware of.
7- Go out and volunteer together. Make someone else happy and you will see the joy it brings you as well.
8- Have a new First time moment or activity together. By this I mean, come up with something you have always wanted to do and as of yet haven’t and make it a point of doing it together. Some examples could be:
 A snowball fight
 Whipping something up in the kitchen with just the things you already have
 Slow dance (you would be surprised how many people haven’t done that)
 Finger painting or body painting (depends on the age) 
 Take a free class together (check your local community centers)
The point is to be creative and think outside the box!!!
9- Play “did you know I?” This is something I just thought of! You and your loved one/ones pic k ten (10) things about yourselves and share it. For example: Did you know that in third grade I had to read a passage from the bible to my class during chapel time and I almost passed out. Sharing is caring!
Last idea on my share list but certainly not the least…
10- Look this person or these people in the eye and tell them what a GIFT they have been to you since they came into your life.

These gift ideas are really gender and for the most part age restriction free. They can be for your step mom or dad, your sister or best friend, your husband or your daughter.  The message is about love and connection. I started a book once I found out I was pregnant. A regular five (5) subject notebook, in it there are all sorts of things representing the last eighteen (18) years of my daughters journey and mine. I will present her with it on her nineteenth (19) birthday. That will be a priceless moment (one I will share with you). Again think outside the box.

Happy Holidays to all my fellow mommies and of course to the daddies, to those that just come and take a glance and to those that come and continue to follow. You have given me a priceless gift for which I thank you greatly and that is the gift of reading my words.
Be safe, be well, be happy, be Love!
xoxo
Mari