illustration by mindset daily.com
The truth of the matter is that it isn't until something drastic happens to us that we realize we have been dealing with some BS we are not interested in dealing with but have been because we are programmed to think we just have to. How we grow up, the values our parents and other family members teach us and even our friends help mold the crap we sometimes carry around.
December was a month full of several ending events. As I shared not to long ago we had some deaths to deal with that we are learning from and working through. I am grateful for all the talks that have taken place between my daughter and I. Support is always great but clarity is even better. Communication coming from love never fails.
I shared that an old friend contacted me about her mother's passing. This Summer will mark four years since we have spoken. The time is very clear to me because our end is very clear to me. As I prepared to go to the wake I had so many emotions to put in order, so many thoughts to gather and put in there place. As I parked my car and walked to the funeral home I found myself clinching my fists just a little tighter for support.
illustration by believeinthesparks.com
As I made my way through the crowd and said my hellos, gave hugs and kisses one thing was very clear to me I had walked into the same life I had left long ago but just with a different background.
The faces had aged but everything else was the same. The conversations where the same just with more added drama and bitterness. It was as if their feet hadn't moved in any forward direction. I was sad, I felt trapped and couldn't wait to leave.
To the people that mattered I made sure I said how sorry I was that we were meeting again under such circumstances to the rest I felt no need for explanation. I was grateful that my history with them was remembered. That the years I invested in them left a positive mark therefore we still had love for one another and now that we are older, even more respect.
Just before I left I held my old friends hand and told her I loved her, was sorry again about her mom, wished her all the best and assured her that we were good. That life had played out as it should have for us. That we are where we need to be, growing is part of life and that's what we will continue to do. I emphasized they knew where to reach me gave her another big hug and left.
As I drove away I was grateful. I don't mean for this to come across as mean or selfish but I was grateful I had left them behind. I was grateful I chose self preservation over loyalty to a friendship that for many years had stopped serving a purpose. I was grateful that I had chosen peace of mind over contemplating what others would think and say. I was grateful I had learned to value life and my life most of all to know when it was time to walk away.
illustration by mastering today.me
I asked in the beginning have the things that matter to you grown and changed as you have grown and changed? But I guess that may not be a fair question if you have remained as you are in your life. I also said that it wasn't until something drastic happened that we stop and review our paths. Tomorrow may never come for some and do you think if they knew that they wouldn't have changed something in their life?
Someone at the wake as I was saying my goodbyes asked me if I was on Face Book. Really? We haven't spoken in close to four years and that is how you want us to communicate? To stay relevant in each others lives? Not instead with a call or even an email or text? You want me to scroll through crap on your timeline just to see pictures of your life? To press like just so your numbers go up instead of us actually having a meaningful discussion? No thanks I'll pass. I'm not interested in logging on to a social media sight to see what's going on with you. That would require I take time away from more important matters to sit and look at a screen nah I'm good.
I am not anti social media truly I'm not but what I am anti is anything that takes away from the present and from truly engaging with those I love. I'd rather look at my daughter's face and see her smile than look at a screen and see what others are doing. Sure I get the reasoning behind connecting with loved ones who live far away but honestly...how often are you scrolling through things that are not loved ones related? Things that really Matter.
illustration by yourbizrules.com
Death is always a thing that fuels change. But it is only when you truly value life that those changes matter. Why wait for an end to start your new beginning? Self preservation, value, respect, kindness and love...What really Matters in Your Life?
Always stress free xo
Mari
