The reward of Not getting what you want

Hey lovelies is everyone as ready for warmer temperatures as I am? I have to admit that this Winter really wasn't so bad especially out here in New York. I feel like I blinked and Spring was upon us but hey I am not one to rush time so I'll enjoy the days as they come.

Enjoying the days as they come, is a good segway into my share today. Between being nervous about some of these Presidential candidates and just day to day occurrences both on the news and in my life I've been putting some thought into...

The reward of not getting what you want. 

Hummm how on earth is not getting what we want a reward? Well let me talk about some rewards I've witnessed and then we shall see.

illustration by jarofquotes.com

-I wanted my mom to work the types of jobs all my other friends moms had but instead she worked in places that I was not so proud of. Turned out that working in factories and bar tending and being a school lunch lady wasn't such a bad thing after all. She held her head up high, loved what she did and provided for her family with dignity. Seeing her take pride in what she did taught me great work ethic and taught me not to get caught up in labels...making an honest living is all that matters. 

-I wanted the big wedding all the bells and whistles. Turns out I was placing importance on the outside picture and not the true meaning of Unity. When I took the blinders off I saw that I preferred the quiet show of love than the loud roar of a gran performance.

-I wanted three kids, two boys and a girl. I wanted nonstop calling of my name and laughter. I wanted running around and constant opportunities to watch my kids succeed at things. I had one and she is more than enough. Six months into mommywood I realized I enjoyed my life too much to have to sacrifice my space. I enjoyed my ALONE time way too much to give it up. My lil mama has been the best thing to happen in my life I have had my three kids and more.

illustration by pinterest.com

-I wanted the guy that remembered and acknowledged holidays, birthdays & anniversaries. The one who walked through the door bearing gifts over flowing or sent gifts to my office as a surprise. Turns out I really don't like that guy because he sometimes forgets that gifts don't always mean something materialistic. Now I find joy in the one who buys me a book or brings me a cup of Tea just because he knows I need some peace and quiet. Now I appreciate the beautiful gifts that come in large and small packages.

-I wanted the high paying career that would afford me the lifestyle to live comfortably, travel constantly and do all the shopping I wanted. The career that would grant me financial security I didn't see my own parents have. The one I could spoil my kid in. What I got instead was a job. One that allowed me flexible hours, decent vacation time, plenty of space for leisure thoughts and peace of mind. One that didn't stress me out where my attitude affected my family. One that allowed me to provide for my loved ones and still have fun. One that didn't take over my personal life. Yes finances are extremely important and I do take measures to build on that but never at the expense of a great quality of Life.

Some say that when you make a plan never make a plan B because it means you already planned to fail but I say that sometimes the fail is not a failure. It just means plan A wasn't meant for you.
The Universe is always testing us and testing our resilience. It gains nothing from us failing it reaps the rewards of our Success.

illustration by quotesgram.com

Next time you put yourself out there and it doesn't turn out as you wish, don't delay bouncing back. Say goodbye to that chapter and hello to whats to come.

Always stress free xo

Mari 

What really Matters in Your Life?

Have the things that matter to you grown and changed as you have grown and changed? Are you taking stock in your progress as you grow older? Do you find yourself stuck and don't know where to begin?

illustration by mindset daily.com

The truth of the matter is that it isn't until something drastic happens to us that we realize we have been dealing with some BS we are not interested in dealing with but have been because we are programmed to think we just have to. How we grow up, the values our parents and other family members teach us and even our friends help mold the crap we sometimes carry around.

December was a month full of several ending events. As I shared not to long ago we had some deaths to deal with that we are learning from and working through. I am grateful for all the talks that have taken place between my daughter and I. Support is always great but clarity is even better. Communication coming from love never fails.

I shared that an old friend contacted me about her mother's passing. This Summer will mark four years since we have spoken. The time is very clear to me because our end is very clear to me. As I prepared to go to the wake I had so many emotions to put in order, so many thoughts to gather and put in there place. As I parked my car and walked to the funeral home I found myself clinching my fists just a little tighter for support.

illustration by believeinthesparks.com

As I made my way through the crowd and said my hellos, gave hugs and kisses one thing was very clear to me I had walked into the same life I had left long ago but just with a different background.
The faces had aged but everything else was the same. The conversations where the same just with more added drama and bitterness. It was as if their feet hadn't moved in any forward direction. I was sad, I felt trapped and couldn't wait to leave.

To the people that mattered I made sure I said how sorry I was that we were meeting again under such circumstances to the rest I felt no need for explanation. I was grateful that my history with them was remembered. That the years I invested in them left a positive mark therefore we still had love for one another and now that we are older, even more respect.
Just before I left I held my old friends hand and told her I loved her, was sorry again about her mom, wished her all the best and assured her that we were good. That life had played out as it should have for us. That we are where we need to be, growing is part of life and that's what we will continue to do. I emphasized they knew where to reach me gave her another big hug and left.

As I drove away I was grateful. I don't mean for this to come across as mean or selfish but I was grateful I had left them behind. I was grateful I chose self preservation over loyalty to a friendship that for many years had stopped serving a purpose. I was grateful that I had chosen peace of mind over contemplating what others would think and say. I was grateful I had learned to value life and my life most of all to know when it was time to walk away.

illustration by mastering today.me

I asked in the beginning have the things that matter to you grown and changed as you have grown and changed? But I guess that may not be a fair question if you have remained as you are in your life. I also said that it wasn't until something drastic happened that we stop and review our paths. Tomorrow may never come for some and do you think if they knew that they wouldn't have changed something in their life?

Someone at the wake as I was saying my goodbyes asked me if I was on Face Book. Really? We haven't spoken in close to four years and that is how you want us to communicate? To stay relevant in each others lives? Not instead with a call or even an email or text? You want me to scroll through crap on your timeline just to see pictures of your life? To press like just so your numbers go up instead of us actually having a meaningful discussion? No thanks I'll pass. I'm not interested in logging on to a social media sight to see what's going on with you. That would require I take time away from more important matters to sit and look at a screen nah I'm good.

I am not anti social media truly I'm not but what I am anti is anything that takes away from the present and from truly engaging with those I love. I'd rather look at my daughter's face and see her smile than look at a screen and see what others are doing. Sure I get the reasoning behind connecting with loved ones who live far away but honestly...how often are you scrolling through things that are not loved ones related? Things that really Matter.

illustration by yourbizrules.com

Death is always a thing that fuels change. But it is only when you truly value life that those changes matter. Why wait for an end to start your new beginning? Self preservation, value, respect, kindness and love...What really Matters in Your Life?

Always stress free xo
Mari

When doing the Right thing Sucks

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew what you had to do but hated doing it even though it was the right thing? Have you ever found yourself in a place you loved or speaking with someone you digged but it just wasn't the right time?

At some point we have all heard "right place at the right time". It could be work related when we really want to get that promotion or sports related when your in the field and want to stop the other team from advancing. It could be a chance to meet the love of your life.

illustration by pinterest

All these scenarios can have a variety of outcomes all because of where you may be at that moment. Now this is another Dating share, or none Dating as you will see as you read on. My single ladies, have you met that guy where you say "Damn, right guy wrong time?".  It's that place that experience and clarity have bought you to in life when your past mistakes turned into awesome lessons.

So I told you this was another one of my Dating shares or none Dating actually. What I mean is I met this guy, we hit it off from first glance, had several conversations all very informative. We had lots in common and some not so common experiences. We laughed, joked had great vibe. We shared the sort of things we were looking for in a connection. We spoke about past relations and the lessons those bought to us today, we exchanged thoughts on numerous topics and we laughed some more. But...I was in a place where I had no baggage and I was clear to take off and he was grounded with excessive baggage he couldn't shack off.

illustration by pinterest.com

No amount of laughter, jokes or conversation is going to wipe that away. No amount of wishful thinking is going to make certain things disappear. It sucked to be in that position but I had to walk away. The right thing to do was acknowledging that the timing was wrong. To say oh it would have been nice but no. To behave like a "grownup", not throw a tantrum, not roll my eyes, not suck my teeth and just say goodbye.

illustration by boymeetsgirlspeeddating

Damn, doing the Right thing sometimes does Suck but I'll be better for it in the long run. Single ladies, keep your head up and continue to do the right thing.

Adventure to Fitness Giveaway!!!!

Attention all Mommies & Daddies, I have a great treat for you.

I am very particular about what I share as far as tools for stress free parenting but I think you will find this tool a great enjoyable treat.

Zach over at Adventures in Fitness is offering my followers and even those who just pop in every now and then a FREE 6 MONTHS membership to adventuretofitness.com
This is a children's educational fitness program, the prize is valued at $60.00 per membership.

Some of their key features are:
- Interactive Fitness: Short, engaging 30-minute videos and activities to encourage kids to exercise while learning important health facts
- Education: Each “Adventure” integrates academic material including math, science, social studies, language arts, and history
- Kid-Friendly Recipes: Healthy recipes to ensure that kids are getting the nutrition they need to stay fit

I myself went on there page to test it out, had a blast. Also shared it with a friend and her six (6) year old they loved it.

Here is all you have to do...

-comment on this post and how you would best use Adventures in Fitness. Would you incorporate it in your daily routine with the kids, would it be the kick you needed to get the kids away from video games and regular tv watching, would you give it as a gift to someone else who needs the motivation?

The best response will win! Simple as that.

So go take a look, let me know what you think. Have some fun and most of all...

Best of luck :)

adventuretofitness.com

Forever Young

It is 9 pm and I just returned home from a visit with my grandma, had to bring her some things. As some of you may know I am the majority care giver for my 90 year old grandmother aside from her two (2) home attendants. One has been with her for over nine (9) years Monday thru Thursday, Fridays depends on availability. Saturday and Sunday attendant has been with us for about two (2) years. They are both wonderful, giving, loving women I would be lost without and my grandmother would no longer be with me if not for their service.

I have always been the biggest kid in the room, even in a room full of toddlers. I love to laugh, I love being playful and having fun. I am not a pouter or whiner or woe is me type personality.

Being involved in my grandmother’s life so deeply especially these past several years has made me appreciate my attitude even more. I appreciate memories, movement, expression and day to day just living a little more.

I mentioned memories because we have days she doesn't remember who I am and though it breaks my heart every time, my playful approach allows me to suck back the tears and keep pushing forward till something I say triggers a memory. I am blessed that she has always been a part of my life so she does recall a lot of our time together once her mind cooperates with her.

I bring this up because we as adults sometimes lose sight of our youth. We get wrapped up in daily life. Poor life choices, negative work conditions, bad relationships, poor health situations and so forth. We tend to forget to look at the positives that are happening right around us.

Life is about choices. When something isn't working change it. We don’t have to suffer, in anything we do. What we do have to do is use our options.

My grandmother’s life is a lesson to me because I don’t want to get older and not have been enjoying life. I don’t want to get older and wonder how come I didn't do. I don’t want to get older and be waiting to die.

On behave of my grandmother I will continue to laugh louder, eat smarter, play more often, love deeper and live stronger and with more passion. I will continue to appreciate the fact I always have a choice. I always have an option. I choose to be living a life that is stress free. I choose to be FOREVER YOUNG.

Btw…when I left I left her in her lounge chair laughing :)