Learning to Accept everyones Reality

Where ever you are planted...Bloom

Happy Sunday hope that our transition back to school and cooler weather hasn't been and won't be too difficult. Today I wanted to share with you a few walk away thoughts I've had on recent events on the news. I wanted to share my perspective and hopefully hear what you guys had to say as well. I was talking to my bestie last week over FaceTime and it was great to see his beautiful smile shining back at me after several months of missed calls and busy schedules. We were catching up on life's events and one of the things we touched on was Friendships. He commented that what he notices from me and I am not quoting just summarizing is that basically I am just to rigid in my expectations of people and more so my friends. That basically everyone has stuff going on and that I should try to have empathy, more understanding and more or less meet them where they are at. And for the most part I really get where he was coming from But at the same time my perspective from my life's experience goes back to value. I don't have a problem meeting you where you are, I don't have a problem having empathy but I do have a problem with you not showing me the same value as I show you. I have a huge problem with people who behave as if their life activities are more important than yours. This is why I have adopted the mindset of loving you from a distance. I am learning to Accept every ones Reality.  

Then I run into the Colin Kaepernick controversy and this is my take away thought...I am proud to have been born in the United States because this is all I ever have known. I am grateful my family came to this country and sacrificed so much so we can have a better life and I am grateful that I have so many freedoms that some may not be afforded But how then can you give me a Freedom and want to tell me how to use it? How can some in society be upset with this man when you told him you have freedom of speech? Many Americans want to lump all things together. Many Americans want all Americans to have the same views But if one persons reality is not the same as another how can they all have the same views? If I come from a reality of oppression, de-valued and dehumanized over years and years and still today see the same injustices why would I stand for your reality and deny mine? Freedom is a beautiful thing and all human beings should have it. If we live in such greatness as the United States then let me use it as it was given. Learning to Accept every ones Reality.

nfl.com

illustration by thequotepedia.com

This next one was shocking but not really because I always say unfortunately women are very catty and can be brutal critics of their own gender instead of lifting one another up. Blue Ivy / huffingtonpost article I came across which talks about the harsh comments posted about this four year old little girl four!

Grown women calling her ugly, what on earth? She is a child, what are you thinking when you are sitting at home or walking around just typing any crap that comes to mind then pressing send? Are you even really thinking? Are you even mindful of something called feelings? Do you ever remove yourself from your bubble and think about how you would feel hearing or reading these types of comments about your mother, sister or even child? Your reality may not be being thrusted into the spotlight she did not ask for cameras to follow her every move but you did choose to see her and comment. You made a choice and that choice from my perspective is unkind and lacks humanity. Societies emphasis on looks as a whole is F***ed up but when your own gender jumps on the band wagon...where do you go from there? My perspective is these comments come from a place of envy. What she was born into can afford her things some of us may never experience but if we were more mindful of gratitude of the things in our own lives we would not devalue hers. Learning to Accept every ones Reality. 

illustration by milliontalks.com

This last thought ties into my Blue Ivy share because it relates again to...women and the harsh judgment nature. Why all the fuse about who is not wearing makeup? What is the big deal about going outside makeup free? And why does it bother you if I am making that choice for myself and you wouldn't for you?

Two articles caught my eye allure.com  which shares a story about my daughter's favorite artist Alicia Keys and her choice to go makeup free. She is a beautiful woman inside and out. She uses her platform to uplift everyone never a harsh word used to exploit any opportunity so why are so many people more so women upset about her choice? Were we born with makeup on? No. It was a product made to enhance what was/is already beautiful or to add a little something to help with an issue we may feel can use a little work. It is society that has pushed this idea that women are not whole unless we put our face on. What! My natural face isn't good enough? Get the F out of here with that noise. Choices...again Freedom to use or not use makeup yet you want to tell me what to do and you want me to feel bad for choosing another road. I am choosing for me yet you want to lump my choice into your life. 

I will turn forty- five in a few weeks and its just in the last two years that I have embraced lipstick yes lipstick! I finally have the interest in applying it to my lips because of all the great colors and textures I can choose. I started to wear eyeliner in my teens and mascara in my late twenties but that is it. I hate yes I said it I hate anything else on my face. Foundation, concealers, blush whatever I don't want any part of it BUT if one day I wake up and have a dang pimple I want to cover up I can choose to do so however I wish! Forty something years of practically no makeup for me has afforded extra sleep time, no dirty collars, no midday apply, no restrictions on kissing or "playtime" on a whim and plenty of extra cash for things I really love like sweets! This other article about barely no makeup makeup is ridiculous to me but again its a choice gma.yahoo.com do what you wish with your dang own face. Learning to Accept every ones Reality. Do and be what works best for you. Live your life by your definition. Encourage individuality in your loved ones, especially your children. Allow them the choice to define themselves by their own standards. What makes them proud of themselves whether in front of a mirror or outside in the world.

illustration by lotfortyeightblog.com

So these are my thoughts today. Share your comments and experiences choose to be free today and let me know how you will go about doing so. Think big! think empowering, motivating and inspiring by living your best life.

Always stress free xo,

Mari

Man Boobs

October is upon us and aside from the crisp signs of Autumn, the spotting of beautiful leaves on the trees as they change colors, the great smell of Pumpkin this and that in the air, the sales of huge candy bags for Halloween it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

By now we all should know just how important it is to get our annual Mammograms. I went for mine in May right after my annual Gyn exam in April. I schedule them close together so I never forget. I went for my 1st exam shortly after my 40th Birthday, yes I was nervous but I knew it had to be done.
Early detection does make a difference.

This year as I waited for my letter I was a little extra uneasy because just a few months prior my co worker had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She was in the process of many tests, reviewing of options, researching, talking with loved ones etc...
This was the first time I was so close to such a life changing matter.
Though my old childhood friend Cynthia had transitioned a few years ago from a form of Cancer it was not Breast Cancer.

I watched and listened and talked with my co worker about what road was best to take. Should she do a Mastectomy, Double Mastectomy or Lumpectomy. Should she do reconstruction, what type? We discussed family, sexuality, death, recovery, diets. You name it, we spoke on it.
I am respectful of her choices and am happy to report that in early September she completed her last radiation session and is coming along greatly.

In watching her go through this and seeing that she still has some emotional and mental healing to do I realized that unless you talk about this to someone who truly understands you may have a long road ahead of you. Seeking support if not from loved ones or friends is very important and if it is difficult for a women imagine a man.

Yes men get Breast Cancer too!
The strong, hardworking, suppose to take care of his family gender can also suffer from this devastating diagnosis and news.
They ignore just about every symptom in the book, headaches, chest pains, blurred vision, tingling sensation in fingers and arms, leg cramps, difficulty breathing, issues with their urine or bowel movements.
These can all be possible signs of some form of serious issue but men are not suppose to complain or stop being "men" to go and pay a visit to a Doctor. They have no time for that, it will be fine, the pain will go away.

We as the logical ones (insert laughter here) must find ways to encourage the men in our lives to take better care of their health. To listen to their bodies and to visit their Doctors at least once a year and with every mile stone conduct the proper test necessary for that age group.
We must stop the taboo that men don't do this or that.

Even though the numbers are not as high as women, roughly 2,300 new cases will be diagnosed and about 430 men die from Breast Cancer that is still alarming news.
Since so much is focused on the women, I am shining the light today on our men.

I am providing links, pictures and video information so that we may start talking about this and making the men in our lives aware this is a possibility, this can indeed happen.

I received my letter in late May stated all was well great news! but because I have dense breast they suggested I go for an ultrasound.
That caused some more uneasiness but I scheduled it quickly and results were negative again. All clear this year!!!
Moving forward I plan to do both consecutively so as to not delay any panic or any relief.
Let's stay as healthy as possible, let's stay informed and proactive!

breastcancer.org

cancer.org

Medicinenet.com

thehealthblog.net

youtube.com

French Lessons

Thursday's treat!!!

Talk about aiming high and accountability!!!

About two years ago I set out to test myself and try new things. Those of you who follow me often have read some of my shares about the changes I have gone through in the last couple of years.

One of the many things that fascinate me in life and have always caught my attention is Languages.

The sounds, the origins, the writings. The history of language, how it's evolved and how amazing it is that the younger you are the easier it is for you to pick up more than one language.

As we get older our brains don't cooperate too much smh and it's just a little bit more difficult but not impossible.

On this quest to be fearless and try new things I decided to teach myself French, one of the 5 Romance languages. Spanish, Italian, Portuguese and Romanian are the other 4. I already have Spanish down pat!!!

I didn't even know there were 5! I just wanted to be able to say I love you in French. What an added bonus to learn about the others and to realize I already knew one, go figure lol.

I began to think about what tools I wanted to use and of course me being all about stress free and doing my on thing I went the opposite direction of a classroom setting, of Rosetta stone or of listening to tapes.

I decided to teach myself by using beginner French children's books and Google Translate.

Here is a picture collage of me and a day in my lessons and the tools I use.

I started with basic words and phrases, using Word program to compile my 2 column mini flash cards.

One side English other side French. On the French side I would jot down notes or break down of the word as I heard it so that I can pronounce them better.

I did about 8 to 10 words per sheet, folded in half and cut them down to size.

I started by practicing every day but when I began to add more "fearless" challenges to my life I bought lessons down to twice a week.

Almost 2 years later I still add about 10 words or phrases a week and I still study twice a week. I have learned over 400 words and phrases and I have enjoyed every minute. 

I am especially proud when I hear someone speaking French and I can understand to some degree what they are saying!!!

This is an on going process for me, I am by no means ready to go to France alone or hold a full conversation but I am by far much more prepared than I was 2 years ago.

Which lets me know anything is possible if you are willing to try.

I can read it much more than I can speak it but I sure continue to enjoy trying.

Italian would have been a little easier of a choice being I can get some of the words because they sound Spanish but that would not have been fearless that would have been a short cut.

What have you done recently that was fearless and tested your comfort zone?

How as parents, can testing ourselves be great lessons for our children?

Always stress free xo

Meditation for Dummies

My choice of words for this title is more about grabbing your attention than it is about disrespect or name calling.

Sometimes we are so busy moving, planning and doing that it takes something sort of shocking to just stop us in our tracks. For many of us its a word or something we hear.

I want to share some of my Meditation journey with you.

I have been aware of Meditation since H.S. when a classmate of mine and now a longtime friend bought it to my attention and shared her and her families journey using this practice.
I found it interesting but being 13 or 14 years old I was not into clarity or calmness or being in the moment.
I was more into go go go and my way is the right way.

About 3 years ago a had a life changing experience that basically forced me to stop and slow down.
I had a major change in a relationship that at the time I thought was building on a strong foundation when in fact it was building on very rocky ground.

Sometimes things are right in front of us and we just refuse to see them.
Anyway so as I was saying, I was bought to a halt a place I had never been at before.
After about a month and a half of asking myself all the why's I could possibly ask myself I decided to stop questioning and start doing.

I began to work on myself and really get to know who Mari was. Who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life moving forward.

One of the things I turned to without hesitation (finally) was Meditation. I went on Google and researched tons of stuff.
Centers, Music, the History, its Purpose etc...

I found out that many community centers, especially in NYC through a program called Shape Up NYC offer many free classes through our Parks and Recreation programs one of them being Yoga which includes Meditation.
I immediately found one and joined.

I then set out to make a space in my home where I can practice and be committed to my new journey.
This is what I came up with...

One of the most eye opening moments for me was during one of my Yoga classes when at the end my instructor said "let's prepare for Corpse Pose".

I was like "what?". I looked around to see if anyone else was as shocked as I was apparently not.
She instructed us to lay down, our hands to our sides, palms up, eyes closed.
She said some other things but only thing I heard was death and rebirth.
That was a moment I will never forget and that is one of my favorite parts of my practice. I am including links with info if you wish to explore further.

mindbodygreen.com
artofliving.org
myyogaonline.com

Asian and International rituals Coffin ceremonies for the living

thaiworldview.com
thaizer.com

Meditation is many things to different people.
It is indeed a practice not something casual. It is a way of life.
I started my practice with barely making it through 5 minutes of stillness, I am now up to 30 minutes.

My practice brings me a joy and peace like no other.
It is mine and I don't have to share that space with anyone or anything.
It centers me and brings me clarity. It allows me to be accountable for my actions and to be present in what I do and who I choose to interact with in my daily life.

Meditation has even bought my daughter and I closer as if that was even possible :). We discuss it, we practice it together at times and we respect and appreciate what it has done for the vibe in our home.

As a parent I suggest it as an alternative to Time Outs.
Sitting in a chair or bench because you behaved poorly doesn't teach a lesson.
If we instead sit still with our kids and ask them for a few minutes of reflection, eyes closed, hands on their laps maybe at the end of those few minutes they will come out of it calmly and with better attitude to be more cooperative.
Sure little ones lack focus for long periods of time, but even 1 or 2 minutes of sitting close to mommy and or daddy with eyes closed can teach a lesson.

What other alternatives have you found in place of Time Outs?

Always  stress free xo