Bad Parenting

There I said it.

Most people think it, we all have seen it and now I will comment on it.

Granted there are endless methods of parenting and really who is to say which is best, what is right or wrong but I believe we can all agree that certain things are just not a good idea.

Nothing good can come from:
-over indulgence
-lack of stability
-no set of rules
-lack of consequences
-no sense of responsibility
-lack of compassion
-sense of entitlement
-not being taught how to give back
-lack of manners

These are my thoughts, what do you think? Are any of the things listed above actually positive and can be considered a benefit? Can they work in a Parenting sense? Will they allow for a stress free family life?

Always stress free xo

Shattered Images

One of the things that come along with the package of parenting is the handling of disappointment.

Life brings us many, some more than others but I am referring to events or people that disappoint our children.

The sooner in our parenting journey we accept we CAN NOT protect our children from everything, the sooner we will invest that energy instead on how to show support and love when those moments do come.

No matter what age or gender at some point your child will be disappointed by someone or something. The something can be handled much quicker and more easily, but the SOMEONE...not so much.

It's only as we grow that we realize no one is perfect. It's only as we grow that we can either accept people for who they are or walk away. Children, Toddlers and Babies can't understand the concept of acceptance or walking away until they are much older. Therefore it is our responsibility to help them as they grow to understand failure, humanity, humility, respect, acceptance and peace.

Failure-sometimes people try to do their best, but their best isn't good enough.
Humanity-to be human is to act at times in ways that are hurtful and selfish and we must be aware that it may not have anything to do with us, but instead with the way that other person views themselves.
Humility-not many people are carriers of this trait and we must not allow their boisterous actions to extinguish our flame.
Respect-is earned, never just given, demanded or assumed.
Acceptance-sometimes people are just not as invested in you or your well being as you may be in them. Once you become aware of that your options are greater and the hurt becomes less.
Peace-when you take the time to gather all the information, put all the pieces together and come away with clarity you will have gained the peace to move forward and away from that which hurt and or disappointed you.

It will never be easy to see our children in discomfort but it will surely be worse if they are not prepared for it. Life sometimes brings lessons we wish we never had to learn. Shattered images of those we hold dear is one such lesson.

No such thing as perfection, don't put people up on a pedestal and sometimes there are just people out there that are not very nice.

So, as we accept we can't provide protection from all let's start getting ready to hold those hands, provide a shoulder, lend an ear, give plenty of hugs and kisses and tell them how much we love them and are blessed to have them in our lives.

Fathers and Daughters

I am my father's only daughter. I have three brothers. My father tried to teach his very stubborn daughter to take things easy and to be nice and respectful and to listen.

My father tried to teach his very stubborn daughter patience. My father tried to teach his very stubborn daughter that her mom was just trying to do her best.

Looking back now it must have been a very difficult thing to do when you are dealing with a teenager that thinks they know it all. It could not have been easy for him to try to get through to me but he never stopped.

I have my father's complexion, his smile, his hair and when I stop and look at times even his mannerisms.
It is so funny how true the comments about Mothers and Sons and Fathers and Daughters can be.

Today I appreciate his words and his time and his smile. Today I appreciate all those great meals he cooked for me and all those great breakfast drinks he use to make from fresh fruits. Today I appreciate all those great talks, while I sat around and visited with him at his job.

In my home there is a phrase and its called "being a Fermin". It is my ex's family name. It is used whenever a gesture, action, comment or approach is taken. It has been said for the past almost nineteen (19) years. My daughter is her father's child in every sense of the word.
From the tips of her toes to the top of her head. From her words, to her interest, to her approach on life.

The reality of it is I wouldn't have it any other way because "being a Fermin" is pretty darn great!!

For all of us who have had great father moments and have great father memories, this is a sweet post.
For those of us who have not it can be sad or upsetting. I don't want it to be just one or the other. I want it to be a chance to perhaps build these moments with that special man whom you have always admired, whom you have fallen in love with and envision having children with if this is your second time around or have your significant other already be building these moments or bring it to his attention.
Remember, family is what you make it. It is not always about blood relation.

Sometimes not enough praise is expressed when it comes to fathers. I know quite a few who are doing amazing jobs with their girls and their boys. Whether single, separated, married, or divorced I appreciate the awesome things they do every day.

So here is a Thank You to you! Hope you enjoy xoxo

http://www.fromdatestodiapers.com/50-rules-for-dads-of-daughters

Defining Roles

ba•by-sit also ba•by•sit (b  b -s t )
v. ba•by-sat also ba•by•sat (-s t ), ba•by-sit•ting also ba•by•sit•ing, ba•by-sits also ba•by•sits
v.intr.
1. To take care of a child or children in the absence of a parent or guardian.
2. To take care of or watch over someone or something needing attention or guidance.
v.tr.
1. To provide care for (a child) in the absence of a parent or guardian.
2. To watch over or tend: baby-sat the neighbor's plants for a week.

I don’t often touch on cultural or racial issues but there are times and subjects that warrant it. This is one of those.

By Dictionary standards babysitting is just what it states above, to care for or watch over a child or children while parent or guardian is away.

Growing up I have to admit that this was the word I often heard used when dads stayed home with their children as it was also a word I often used myself to describe my ex staying home with our daughter. As I matured I began to question why I and why the women before me would consider a dad staying with his children babysitting? Why Hispanic women and African American women said babysitting and the Caucasian women said home with daddy?

A lengthy conversation with my daughter enlightened me even more on this issue. I love our talks because it’s like a sounding board for both of us.

We discussed how since the beginning of time Men were providers outside of the home, they were not nurtures. They built our homes, they gathered and hunted the food, and they protected us. We, the women cooked, cleaned, attended things at home and bore and raised the children.

Men did not often play with their children, or read to them or tucked them into bed. Men did not teach their children how to write or how to be playful or interact with others. That was left to the women, the men were strictly providers.

As we evolved so did the male female roles but only in certain parts of the world. The more educated parts of the world, where the men were better off and could afford to stay home or work from home they were able to now become nurturers and learn how to be more loving and engaged in their children’s lives. They didn't have to worry about providing for their families as much outside of the home as oppose to those men with less means that still had to go out and fend for themselves and their families. They still had to work long hours outside the home to provide for their families leaving very little time to nurture their children.

To some degree these ideals still hold some truths but over my past forty (40) so years I can say I have seen some changes.
I can recall many occasions where my ex combed our daughters hair, cooked us dinner, taught our daughter how to play games, engage in sports, helped her dress, went on walks, had lengthy conversations. My list is endless. My youngest brother has been a single parent to my niece for the past twelve (12) years; some of my closest male friends are hands on dad’s and great ones at that. I have also witnessed some firsthand role reversals where the male stayed home and the female was the provider. These are all amazing changes, that I only hope to see continue and grow as time moves on.

I don’t want to see or hear shocked responses to such things as the video I am including in this post. I would hope that in 2014 that becomes more the norm than the exception.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/super-dad-photo-viral-21486351

What are your thoughts on the “normalcy” of dads investing time with their children?