Stay Uplifted even in Trying Times

illustration by boapparel.blogspot.com

My lovelies I won't lie to you and say I am in an uplifted head space right this second. Actually I am mentally exhausted and looking forward to my week off next week.
Why? well my grandma is in the hospital, she took a spill on Sunday and on Monday we had to take her to the hospital in an emergency, turns out she has a minor rib fracture.

illustration by pinterest.com

Being so fragile and her age there is but so much the doctors and nurses can do and with her Alzheimer's disease it makes it worse to communicate. Needless to say I haven't pulled my hair out because I love my head of hair lol (staying on the cheery side).

Yesterday I was in the hospital keeping her company for over 7 hours, I know there are people right now who are spending days so I am not trying to make a big deal out of it but it is draining none the less. Driving back and forth, trying to keep her happy, helping her eat etc....trying trying trying. Answering the same darn questions..."Yes I'm the granddaughter, no there are no other family members, yes I'm the primary care giver, yes I make all the decisions, no she doesn't understand what's going on" etc etc.......

illustration by funmozar.com

I'm writing this post as I sip some green tea in my office, my bosses have been great with allowing me to leave when I want to. Monday I left at 4pm got home at midnight, yesterday I left at noon got home at 11pm and today I am leaving at 2pm getting home...who knows. I hope they discharge her soon because I know that she is more concerned about being in the hospital than her actual issues.

illustration by dragonflydithers.com

Wish me luck guys I need it, remember I am making decisions for someone who has no clue and is helpless literally without me. It is a huge responsibility because she can't even voice an opinion. If you find yourself in this same situation or have experience please share with me and lets lift each other up.

illustration by trenzified.net

In the meantime I am sharing some quotes to keep us focused and strong. Much love!

Always stress free xo.

The Elderly...our Discarded People

Hello my lovelies, happy Wednesday, today I would like to introduce you to my grandma who I affectionately call Viejita, which means "old" in Spanish but has been my term of endearment for her since I could speak. I want to share her with you because she is a very important part of my life. Well aren't all grandmas, you may think? No, not really is the cold honest answer.

this was on my 1st b'day

My Viejita's name is Juana some would translate her name in English to Joana. She came to this country from the Dominican Republic in 1971. She never learned English and she never really took the time to perhaps grasp the idea that coming to this country could be a new opportunity to have a new life, a different adventure, a whole new journey. Instead she chose to stay within her closed walls and not venture out further than several blocks within her neighborhood. It wasn't until I got older and could truly understand did I grasp the disservice that her children, my family had done to her.

these are random ones I make her pose for, she loves it

You see my grandma is almost 92 years old now, she has 5 children, 14 grandchild and several great grand children I am not sure of the number but my daughter is one of them. We are not a close knit family and haven't been for many years. She suffers from Alzheimer's disease and every day brings a different challenge. We are still in the early phase, meaning she still has chunks of some memories but many things day by day get lost. Many years are lost, many people have been forgotten.

alzfdn.org
webmd.com

I have spoken and shared some things in the past but today I wanted to make it all about her and the joy she brings me not the days I want to pull my hair out or scream at the top of my lungs or my eyes fill with tears because of things she says because trust me I have those too. I am the only grandchild she sees. My daughter is the only great grandchild she still at times can remember. I do everything for her with the help of 3 amazing Home Attendants I've managed to find. I am the only link to her past.

1st b'day, me as baby on her lap & with my mom & aunt

We have 43 years of history yet she remembers few, I remember them all. She has always been a part of my life. Baby sitting when I was born so my mom could go to work, watching me after school during my elementary years, lending me money when I decided to move out of my mother's house, watching her go from a regular apartment to senior housing, visiting with her and having someone else doing her cooking, I miss her cooking. Seeing her grow older and sadder, watching her lose neighbors and friends, forgetting a thing here a name there. Being told of her disease and what that meant long term. Seeing how the family couldn't deal with her temper and foul moods and slowly just staying away all together. This and so much more has filled my 43 years.

I had her put on my Shearling coat and pose we have similarities 

Today even in the rough spots I try to laugh. When she doesn't recognize me I make it a game there is a line in a Jay Z song "allow me to Reintroduce myself my name is" and I go from there. I comb her hair and I ask her questions, I teach her English words which she forgets shortly after but it is great to hear her laughter as she tries. I buy her candy, I sit on her lap, I take pictures and videos of her often. Her face when she sees herself is priceless! I imagine she can only recall how she use to look so to see this person staring back at her it must be like a stranger. Those are my teary moments but...then she says something like " I'm still pretty right"? and those tears go away.

great granddaughter moment with my lil mama

She is still very vain and meticulous about her appearance. She is also very strong and moves about pretty swiftly for her age which surprises us and brings roars of laughter when we make fun of her and she jumps up to chase us with her fists raise! What a treat. She is affectionate when she feels comfortable with you and loves to be hugged and kissed. She sticks her cheek out for a kiss when she knows you which is funny to see.

say cheese!, she couldn't get over herself in the camera!

I call her daily and visit weekly but sometimes my duties require I drop in more often during the week. On my daily calls we speak for about 10/15 minutes max and it is the same conversation over and over. She doesn't remember you already spoke on that. Same with the visits we talk about the same things but once I accepted my new role and made peace with my new Viejita I handle things differently.

I titled this post "Our Discarded People" because many of our elderly are. Aging is part of life but hard to deal with for some after a certain number and add to that medical issues and it can destroy even the strongest of the strong. Take this share as a nudge to pay more attention to your elders, to express how much they mean to you today while they still can understand it and appreciate it. Use this share as a jumping board to better planning for your own future.
I have no idea what she would like or what many of her wishes are. I wing it, I think about how I would want to be treated and act accordingly.

I'm always playing around with pics, this is our hands, on the left I was 2 and on the right is present day. I have on a black sweater, she is always holding my hand.

Make an effort to engage with an elderly person, watch them light up when you "Acknowledge" their existence, society has forgotten them and thrown them away. Be kind, be gentle, embrace them, they too want to be loved. Even if when you walk away...they have forgotten you.

Always stress free xo.

Elder care

My grandmother turned 90 years old in August. I made an attempt to make it festive and cheerful. Honor the milestone and give her something she never had, a party of some sorts.
I got her balloons, decorations, gifts, cupcakes the works.
I will wrap up this portion of the story by saying none of her children came, she has five, none of them called and she was a pain in the butt grumpy, nothing is good enough, old lady as she almost always is. I was almost in tears but I made the best of it. She has early signs of Alzheimer's mixed with old age, she was never one to be very sweet with her words or actions as most of us think grandmothers should be. So I should not expect her to be any different now and neither should her children. I mean we don't change as we age we only become more intense in who we are.

Aside from her home attendants, I am the only grandchild and only person who really visits with her, calls her does all the things needed to be done. In January I had to make the necessary arrangements with her bank to take over her account because it was getting to be too much for her to go with her attendant. She was forgetting how to sign her name and she was not able to tell the difference between certain bill amounts. It was heart breaking to see her trying to remember the letters in her name. We were blessed to have such an amazing woman at the bank help us. She was loving and patient and funny and dealt with my grandmother’s rudeness with kindness in return. Two hours later we were successful in making the transition.

My visits with her for the most part are draining and sad. On some occasions they are downright brutal. I leave there feeling like I just went a few rounds with Mike Tyson. It takes me several hours sometimes even over a day to get back to my old self. I tend not to really talk much afterwards and I become very somber in mood and spirit. I turn to Meditation and Yoga for help.

I have seen, read and observed so many ways people deal with the elderly. I never gave it much thought myself till I had to be so heavily involved with my grandmother. It takes a lot of energy, patients, strength, time, effort and love. It takes empathy.

In her case it's her attitude most of all and her outlook on life that makes it even more difficult. I am sure there are others like her, ones the kids can't handle. Ones that make it hard for you to look past their treatment of you and just stick it out. But for the most part grandparents are supposed to bring to mind fond memories of baking, sewing, arts and crafts, camping trips and holiday dinners.
I have come to understand that a lot of little things come into play on why our elderly’s treatment of us can become so difficult. Aside from their basic personalities we also have to take into consideration their medical issues and loneliness. Some of them spend a lot of time alone thinking, worrying, remembering and if in good mind, planning. Loneliness can be a slow killer.

In most cultures and in other countries for the most part, the elderly are revered as the wise. They are taken in, respected and cared for.  They are cherished and looked upon as those who paved the way for their families. They are the ones who kept it all together and when they no longer are able to do that they are still respected and made comfortable.

I find that in the US things are not as such. We rely on senior facilities, nursing homes, home attendants and so forth to do those jobs for us. We tend to treat our seniors poorly at times and show a lack of respect totally unwarranted. We almost discard them and treat them as a nuisance.

My grandmother’s attitude has always been an issue but perhaps if her children had been more involved over the years her quality of life today would be better. I am sure if we found more positive ways to handle our elderly their lives and their contributions would also have value.

We all age; we will all be that old women or old man at the store or crossing the street.
Let's start to change our attitudes and start working now while we are still young to insure that our loved ones will be able to care for us, tolerate us and even still love us.

Let's start now preparing and building a better quality of life.