Making plans for my Old Age

Have you put much thought on what your life may be like when your older? I don't mean retirement age in our sixties, I mean old age as in our late seventies, eighties perhaps even nineties when our minds may no longer be in a clear state. I'm a planner, always have been. I love surprises but only the fun kind. Not that anyone likes any other kind but some people can adapt quickly to not so great surprises...not me. Not so much.

illustration by pinterest.com

Dealing with my grandmother as she has aged and her Alzheimer's disease so closely I have really been tested and have really had to wing many things that I feel she should have spoken about years ago. Now that she can't make many choices for herself it is sad that I have the power to so call do what is right or what she would like.

illustration by pinterest.com

So during my life time and especially now that I am the sole caregiver besides the home attendants of my grandmother who is ninety-one years old, I have made sure I've instructed my daughter of the following:

-make sure my eyebrows are on point.
-don't put me in a home, I like to watch my own programs and go to sleep when I feel like it. Get me nice home attendants that can take me out and keep me company.
-if I grow any chin hairs, have someone pluck them cause you already told me you won't be doing it.
-keep my hair at a nice length, if it gets too thin crop it down to boy cut like I had when I was the age of two.
-no house coats/ dresses. I want cute Velor suits a variety of colors in the cold weather and appropriate shorts and cute dresses in the warm weather.
-no ugly shoes, hook me up with some cute, comfy sneakers.
-if I need a cane, bling it out with cute accessories or stickers.
-make sure I am always stocked on lotions, perfumes etc I still want to smell awesome.

illustration by commentsmeme.com

-if my nose hairs get out of control, get someone to handle that.
-don't bother to buy me any bras because finally I'll be liberated and won't care to use one.
-make sure my toes and fingernails are up to par. Still painted if possible.
-any unsightly hairs period...please handle that.
-magnified glass in living room and bedroom a must because I still want to try to read.
-best earpiece if needed because you know I love my music.
-if I have no teeth mashed potatoes, ice cream, yogurts and baby food will do, I'll be happy to eat like a baby again.
And finally...
-keep all my photo albums handy so I can look back at us smile, laugh and know that my baby is now taking care of her mama like if she was the baby.

illustration by buzzle.com

Did you think I was going to write about my financial security, getting my affairs in order or my health benefits? Heck no! I care about my hygiene and personal comfort lol.

What plans have you made for your old age? Have you made all your wishes known to your loved ones? If you haven't, please start it is very important.

Always stress free xo.

P.S. don't worry, all those serious topics have also been covered. I'm all about covering all bases.

Forever Young

It is 9 pm and I just returned home from a visit with my grandma, had to bring her some things. As some of you may know I am the majority care giver for my 90 year old grandmother aside from her two (2) home attendants. One has been with her for over nine (9) years Monday thru Thursday, Fridays depends on availability. Saturday and Sunday attendant has been with us for about two (2) years. They are both wonderful, giving, loving women I would be lost without and my grandmother would no longer be with me if not for their service.

I have always been the biggest kid in the room, even in a room full of toddlers. I love to laugh, I love being playful and having fun. I am not a pouter or whiner or woe is me type personality.

Being involved in my grandmother’s life so deeply especially these past several years has made me appreciate my attitude even more. I appreciate memories, movement, expression and day to day just living a little more.

I mentioned memories because we have days she doesn't remember who I am and though it breaks my heart every time, my playful approach allows me to suck back the tears and keep pushing forward till something I say triggers a memory. I am blessed that she has always been a part of my life so she does recall a lot of our time together once her mind cooperates with her.

I bring this up because we as adults sometimes lose sight of our youth. We get wrapped up in daily life. Poor life choices, negative work conditions, bad relationships, poor health situations and so forth. We tend to forget to look at the positives that are happening right around us.

Life is about choices. When something isn't working change it. We don’t have to suffer, in anything we do. What we do have to do is use our options.

My grandmother’s life is a lesson to me because I don’t want to get older and not have been enjoying life. I don’t want to get older and wonder how come I didn't do. I don’t want to get older and be waiting to die.

On behave of my grandmother I will continue to laugh louder, eat smarter, play more often, love deeper and live stronger and with more passion. I will continue to appreciate the fact I always have a choice. I always have an option. I choose to be living a life that is stress free. I choose to be FOREVER YOUNG.

Btw…when I left I left her in her lounge chair laughing :)

Elder care

My grandmother turned 90 years old in August. I made an attempt to make it festive and cheerful. Honor the milestone and give her something she never had, a party of some sorts.
I got her balloons, decorations, gifts, cupcakes the works.
I will wrap up this portion of the story by saying none of her children came, she has five, none of them called and she was a pain in the butt grumpy, nothing is good enough, old lady as she almost always is. I was almost in tears but I made the best of it. She has early signs of Alzheimer's mixed with old age, she was never one to be very sweet with her words or actions as most of us think grandmothers should be. So I should not expect her to be any different now and neither should her children. I mean we don't change as we age we only become more intense in who we are.

Aside from her home attendants, I am the only grandchild and only person who really visits with her, calls her does all the things needed to be done. In January I had to make the necessary arrangements with her bank to take over her account because it was getting to be too much for her to go with her attendant. She was forgetting how to sign her name and she was not able to tell the difference between certain bill amounts. It was heart breaking to see her trying to remember the letters in her name. We were blessed to have such an amazing woman at the bank help us. She was loving and patient and funny and dealt with my grandmother’s rudeness with kindness in return. Two hours later we were successful in making the transition.

My visits with her for the most part are draining and sad. On some occasions they are downright brutal. I leave there feeling like I just went a few rounds with Mike Tyson. It takes me several hours sometimes even over a day to get back to my old self. I tend not to really talk much afterwards and I become very somber in mood and spirit. I turn to Meditation and Yoga for help.

I have seen, read and observed so many ways people deal with the elderly. I never gave it much thought myself till I had to be so heavily involved with my grandmother. It takes a lot of energy, patients, strength, time, effort and love. It takes empathy.

In her case it's her attitude most of all and her outlook on life that makes it even more difficult. I am sure there are others like her, ones the kids can't handle. Ones that make it hard for you to look past their treatment of you and just stick it out. But for the most part grandparents are supposed to bring to mind fond memories of baking, sewing, arts and crafts, camping trips and holiday dinners.
I have come to understand that a lot of little things come into play on why our elderly’s treatment of us can become so difficult. Aside from their basic personalities we also have to take into consideration their medical issues and loneliness. Some of them spend a lot of time alone thinking, worrying, remembering and if in good mind, planning. Loneliness can be a slow killer.

In most cultures and in other countries for the most part, the elderly are revered as the wise. They are taken in, respected and cared for.  They are cherished and looked upon as those who paved the way for their families. They are the ones who kept it all together and when they no longer are able to do that they are still respected and made comfortable.

I find that in the US things are not as such. We rely on senior facilities, nursing homes, home attendants and so forth to do those jobs for us. We tend to treat our seniors poorly at times and show a lack of respect totally unwarranted. We almost discard them and treat them as a nuisance.

My grandmother’s attitude has always been an issue but perhaps if her children had been more involved over the years her quality of life today would be better. I am sure if we found more positive ways to handle our elderly their lives and their contributions would also have value.

We all age; we will all be that old women or old man at the store or crossing the street.
Let's start to change our attitudes and start working now while we are still young to insure that our loved ones will be able to care for us, tolerate us and even still love us.

Let's start now preparing and building a better quality of life.